When I began homeschooling some 18 years ago, I set out to have the best homeschool possible.
I read books on education. Lots of books!
I attended homeschool conventions.
I spared no expense on homeschool curriculum. Lots and lots of homeschool curriculum.
I poured my life out for my kids believing that it would produce excellence in them.
And then everything fell apart.
I’ll spare you the gory details but suffice to say that by neglecting my husband (he was a ‘big boy’ after all, right?) I was not saving time, I was undermining our whole family structure.
God describes the ideal family dynamic in Colossians:
Colossians 3:18-21: “Wives, submit to your own husbands, as is fitting in the Lord. Husbands, love your wives, and be not bitter toward them. Children, obey your parents in all things: for this is well pleasing to the Lord. Fathers, do not provoke your children, lest they become discouraged.”
Although adhering to these principles may go against our natural inclinations, well, they work!
When I put the needs and concerns of my husband over those of my kids, he is a blessed guy.
When my husband is a blessed guy, guess what? He wants to bless his family!
This is not meant to be a legalistic statement. You’re not going to hell if you neglect your husband.
You just may, however, experience a little bit of heaven if you do.
Here is what I mean. When I honor and bless my husband by putting his needs first, I may not get the house completely clean or finish that great, life-changing family read aloud on schedule. Honestly, this can bother me. I like to get my list checked off.
However, if I put aside these types of things, say by putting my kids to bed earlier, in favor of spending more quiet time with my husband, he feels important.
When my husband feels important and valued, he is more interested in pouring into our home and school. I find that he begins to anticipate my needs and help me in ways that I never would have asked.
Four Ways to Bless Your Husband Today
- Forgive his shortcomings quickly, just as you want your shortcomings to be forgiven.
- Stop what you are doing, ahem, and listen to him.
- Admire him for what he does well – let him know you appreciate him!
- Pray for him everyday. It isn’t easy supporting and leading a family.
As a young mom, I believed that the more I did for my kids, the better our family would be. Now I have come to understand that if I want the best for my family, I need to put my husband first by loving and honoring him within our home.
How about you? Have you seen a difference in your home by putting your husband first?
This. Is. Good!
Those of us with Type A personalities are in danger of “pushing through” things just to get them checked off our list! What a great article on keeping our priorities straight and enjoying our families rather than focusing on our to-do list!
Can you be more specific as to what putting him first looks like? Keeping the house clean, good meals and lots of love are what come to mind and yet I still feel as though something is missing. Any more light that can be shed on the topic would be great! Thanks
T, honoring your husband and making his needs a priority may look a little different for each person. Don’t hesitate to ask HIM what would make him feel respected and appreciated. (For example, my husband loves it when I give him my attention when he gets home from work, asking about his day and just spending a few minutes talking with him. This is means more to him than a solid dinner plan or clean house, so I make a point of getting the kids settled in a quiet activity right before he comes home and then I’m free to give him that time. What’s great is, as a result of me meeting that need for him, he naturally is drawn to reciprocate and we often end up making dinner together as we chat.) I also highly recommend the “Love & Respect” marriage conference or book by Dr. Emerson Eggerichs. Attending his conference gave my husband and I a new perspective and understanding of each others needs and was a turning point in our marriage. Even reading the book on your own would be very useful. I love that you took the initiative to ask! God bless!
Thank you for sharing!!! With a lot of young children at home, 10 ,5, 4, 3 and 9 months. The craziness of home school and house work leaves me drained. Thanks for this sweet reminder…
This is something I need to work on in our home. I find that I shift my focus to my husband and ways to love on him, the entire dynamic and mood of our family changes. I think this will be my goal for this week.
OUCH!After 30 years of homeschooling 6 kids with varying success and 34 years of marriage, I have failed. My children were not tauaght to honor and respect their parents, I have not demonstrated those attitudes either.
That has left two people with nothing leftover for each other. Two of our kids finished in public school, one GED and l in an alternative ps campus.
The two girls stumbled through at home.
Marianne says it right. Even with lots of little one, the attitude that Daddy is king of the house is critical. They can know that Mommy loves Daddy and both love God. Bess you all!!
Luci, thank you for sharing your story. It’s a cautionary tale that young wives need to heed. Blessings to you—God is a healer and I believe He can heal your marriage. Blessings to you.
This is exactly what I needed to hear this week. Too often I get focused on getting it all done and I utterly fail to stop and ask my amazing husband about his day. Happy to be reminded…thanks!