Pride is a Terrible Houseguest: A Duggar PostScript

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–This post was originally published on November 4, 2013. Not much is new under the sun. Read my postscript at the end regarding the Duggar family.
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November 4, 2013
Well,  it happened again.  Over the last week, another “leader” has fallen in the Christian community. Of course it’s all over the Internet, people trying to reason it away, some in prayerful quiet, others openly criticizing—others praising the public apology.

But I wonder, as I have seen this play out in very personal ways in my own life (and many times in over the nearly 20 years my husband and I have spent in ministry) … I wonder if we’re really addressing the true culprit behind most of the destructive sin we see around us.

It’s not confined to church or ministry leaders. It’s just that they’re the best targets. They’re the easiest to see, after all. Take out a leader, and you’ve got a headline.  Another black eye for the gospel.  The church, and sadly, the message of Christ, takes another hit.

I figure it this way: Satan’s a lot of things, but he’s not stupid.  His aim is sure, his tactics as old as sin itself.  You see, Satan knows that when a leader falls, many of his admirers will fall too.  Casualties of an ongoing spiritual battle.

Disillusionment. Questions about the goodness of God, about the truth of God’s Word.

“Christian Leader Admits to Affair.”  Home run.  Another one bites the dust.

There is a sneaky culprit that I have observed quietly ruin men and women and churches and ministries… and families.  It’s not what you may be thinking, either.  The “culprit” has a name. His name is Pride.  I’ve come to see Pride with a face. See if you can see that face, too:   It starts out oh-so-quietly … a good message (or, sadly, an ideology)  is spoken eloquently and people follow.  Pretty soon, the messenger is being worshiped rather than the giver of the Message.  The speaker believes the accolades are warranted.  After all, it is a pretty good message.  “Look how good it’s working for me.”  Said leader puts himself (or herself) out there as the example to follow.

Pretty soon, we’re reading books and buying CD’s from a person rather than seeking the Lord for ourselves.  This is not only bad news for the follower, it’s bad for the leader.  If the messenger basks in the praise of men for more than a moment, the door is opened and the invitation is sent.  Shortly, Pride arrives on his heart’s doorstep.  Left unguarded, Pride moves in, taking first a small, quiet room in the back of the heart—almost unnoticed—but before long Pride, takes root and displaces other tenants of the heart: Humility, Grace … Gentleness.

These are not the qualities of a “real” leader, after all.  A man with a message is more than a man.  He’s a “HERO.”

…right?

No.  The only real “hero” is Jesus Himself.  The only one truly worthy of praise is the One who died alone on a cross, rejected and despised by those He came to save.

God has a lot to say about pride.  First and foremost, He hates it. Pride gets us in trouble.

When pride comes, then comes disgrace, but with humility comes wisdom. Proverbs 11:2

If you’re looking for someone to model your life after look no further than the Lord Jesus, who described Himself when teaching weary followers about finding true rest:

 “Take My yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart…” Mt. 11:29

Humble. Gentle—like Jesus.  Jesus, who had the authority of God Himself was humble. Are we looking for humility in our leaders? These are the qualities we should be looking for in our leaders: gentleness and humility.  There is no room for pride in the life of a Believer.  There simply is too much at stake, too much to lose.

I recorded this podcast a month ago or so—it was scheduled to air on November 4th and it is about our need to keep short accounts with the Lord.

Last week, I was reminded again how much in need of prayer and humility I am.  I want to be as genuine a follower of Christ as I can be because of my love for my Savior, of course, but there is more: Of all the people that might read my blog or hear me speak, the ones that I am accountable to first reside at my house.

Parents, our children are watching.  Others are watching. Be real. Be humble. Stay teachable.  That means keeping short accounts and asking God’s help to fight against the temptation of pride in my own life.

Pride is a terrible houseguest— but with God’s help and the accountability of others, we can make our hearts a very unpleasant place for him to stay.

Lord, we need You.  Help us to humbly walk before you and serve You—for the sake of the gospel alone.

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Post Script: August 26, 2015

I feel I could have written this post a week ago.  So rather than re-write it, I decided to publish it again.

It’s no secret that the “Duggar disaster” has had a profoundly negative impact on name of Christ in recent days.  I have never been a fan of the legalistic brand of Christianity that the Duggars espouse.  But like many of you, I was appalled at the treatment of Josh Duggar initially. I believed then, and still believe that the sinful actions of a 14 yr old boy should not dictate public opinion of  that boy when he is a 27 year old man.

However. True repentance means turning away from sin. It means we grieve over our sin—and we stop that sin. When we don’t repent, the Bible says we will experience spiritual death. These past two weeks have shown us what that looks like, up close.

“For the kind of sorrow God wants us to experience leads us away from sin and results in salvation. There’s no regret for that kind of sorrow. But worldly sorrow, which lacks repentance, results in spiritual death.”
2 Corinthians 7:10

Pride comes before a downfall. Pride causes us to hide sin rather than repent from it. Pride says, “You are above your own convictions.” Pride lies to us and makes us believe that our sins will not “surely find us out.” Pride causes us to put ourselves first—to live a double life.

Like many of you, I assumed Josh had truly repented. Clearly, he did not.

Once again, we see that pride has proven to be a terrible houseguest. While we cannot speculate as to the motivation behind the TV show “19 Kids and Counting,” it is a now cautionary tale for the rest of us.  For the Duggars, pride will take no prisoners. It it’s wake is a family devastated and humiliated. Like all unwelcome heart-guests, when pride comes to stay, that’s what he leaves behind— a mess.

While I have never believed in the ideology of the Duggar family, I believe we serve the same Lord.  There are million lessons to be learned here, but my takeaway is a simple reminder:

Nothing saves us except for Jesus.
Not homeschooling.
Not courtship.
Not wearing skirts over pants.
Not policies or self-policing.

Just Jesus. Apart from Him, we can do nothing.

We should weep when those around us are suffering because of the sin of another person. To those who have rejoiced over this family’s fall from grace, I would remind you that pride takes many forms.  To gloat over another man’s downfall is to fall victim to the same sin that brought Josh Duggar down in the first place. Remember, Pride would say, “See? You’d never do that.”

My prayers are with the Duggar family—especially his wife and children. I hope Anna learns to find her identity in Christ, and not in a family name or ideology.

Heidi St John Firmly Planted Family Devotional For All Ages

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About Heidi St. John

Heidi has been married to her husband Jay since 1989. Together they have seven children and three grandchildren! The St. Johns homeschooled their kids all the way through high school. Heidi is the the author of seven books, host of the popular podcast "Off the Bench," and the founder of MomStrong International, an online community of women learning God's Word and how to apply it to every day life. She and her husband Jay are also the founders of Firmly Planted Family and the Firmly Planted Homeschool Resource Center, located in Vancouver, Washington.

47 thoughts on “Pride is a Terrible Houseguest: A Duggar PostScript

  1. Susan Seibert Martin

    oh so true. King Solomon knew this years ago; there’s nothing “new under the sun”…..why do believers grab on so strongly to methods and models of living created by fallible humans? good thoughts. thank you.

    Reply
  2. Keri Hurley

    You are so right! People tend to idolize men who are Godly. I’m Thankful for my Pastor and for the Great messages he preaches..but..He is not my #1 source to look to. The Lord Jesus and His Precious Word. It pretty much boils down to the pride thing!!

    Reply
  3. Sara Lawson Weaver

    This was so good. My husband and I are in ministry also and both come from a long line of ministry in our genealogy. We have always discussed our safeguards against the devil getting that foothold. We need accountability. We can’t ever think ourselves so godly that sin can’t ever find a way in. This was a great post. It also helped me know where to direct my anger towards the situation that came out last week.

    Reply
  4. Beth Harris Parker

    This really spoke to my heart! Reminds me something Darlene Zschech said about letting pride creep into our hearts: “It’s not a matter of IF it will hurt you, only a matter of WHEN…” God help us all…

    Reply
  5. Jan L. Burt

    Terrific post for all of to read, Heidi. For me personally, I read it first as a wife, second as a mother, third as a homeschooler, fourth as a youth group leader (a position I serve alongside my husband as his helpmate), and lastly as a blogger and author. Thanks for sharing this – it’s appreciated!!

    Reply
  6. Michelle Liggett

    Such a truth. Too many times as Christians we find ourselves worshipping a man instead of Christ. Hard to even admit that I am guilty of that. So important to keep Christ first and ask for wisdom and guidance. Thank you for this post this morning.

    Reply
  7. Kim d'Escoto

    Well said! When Jesus is overshadowed in any ministry, it’s doomed to fall. Your humility is admired, Heidi. Keep on keepin’ it real!

    Reply
  8. Deborah Sanford

    We are all human, don’t ever think it couldn’t happen to us cause it can. The devil is cunning and get in if were off guard. After all the devil was once an angel and he knows Gods word.

    Reply
  9. Kim Smith

    “The proud make every man their adversary by pitting their intellects, opinions, works, wealth, talents, or any other worldly measuring device against others. In the words of C. S. Lewis: “Pride gets no pleasure out of having something, only out of having more of it than the next man. … It is the comparison that makes you proud: the pleasure of being above the rest. Once the element of competition has gone, pride has gone.” (Mere Christianity, New York: Macmillan, 1952, pp. 109–10.)

    Oh yes!! Isn’t that so true? It is a huge problem (I am including myself) among Christians. There was a talk given many years ago by (then) President Ezra T. Benson. It has become a great tool by which we can measure our pride. It has become a huge eye opener to me. I refer to it whenever I find myself forgetting to be humble. Quote: “Most of us think of pride as self-centeredness, conceit, boastfulness, arrogance, or haughtiness. All of these are elements of the sin, but the heart, or core, is still missing.
    The central feature of pride is enmity—enmity toward God and enmity toward our fellowmen. Enmity means “hatred toward, hostility to, or a state of opposition.” It is the power by which Satan wishes to reign over us.
    Pride is essentially competitive in nature. We pit our will against God’s. When we direct our pride toward God, it is in the spirit of “my will and not thine be done.” As Paul said, they “seek their own, not the things which are Jesus Christ’s.” (Philip. 2:21.)

    Reply
  10. Tina Thompson

    John 2:23 Now when he was in Jerusalem at the Passover Feast, many believed in his name when they saw the signs that he was doing. 24 But Jesus on his part did not entrust himself to them, because he knew all people 25 and needed no one to bear witness about man, for he himself knew what was in man.

    Im so glad we have a savior!

    Reply
  11. Anita

    Pride? Try god-complex. A feeling like you have a right to your life, for it to be comfortable, happy and exciting. When your life isn’t comfortable, happy, and exciting, we believe we have the right to make it that way ourselves. Listen to divorced people in The Body–“God wouldn’t want me to be unhappy” or “I married the wrong person.” No, we expect our lives to be what we want, and when God doesn’t deliver like Santa, we seek it out like a shopping spree on Amazon and get it delivered to the front door. The closer I get to Christ, the more I realize I have absolutely no right to direct the course of my life. I surrendered to Christ, let Him be in charge, threw up my hands and said, “Have Your way with me” and chose to be content with the Hope of Heaven instead of discontent with the uncomfortable, unhappy, dull life on this side. If you’re being abused, find a safe place to live your unhappy, uncomfortable, dissatisfying life and trust that your Heavenly Husband loves you. The Creator of the Universe, the God of All, the Perfect Lamb, loves you so much that from the cross He got down on one knee, opened eternity in a little velvet box and asked you to be His Bride for eternity. And when I compare the teardrop of this life to the ocean of eternity with Him, I can embrace with joy this life of discomfort–this mist, this humidity in the air–for however many years He deems I shall. Doug Phillips has no right to his life, and neither do I.

    Reply
  12. Leslie Leonard

    I do believe Satan especially targets leaders because of their influence. So sad to hear when anyone is overtaken in a fault. I’m sure pride is involved as well, but we all have a measure of pride lurking in us.

    Reply
  13. Pingback: Heidi St. John: Pride is a Terrible Houseguest | The Hope Blog

  14. Rebecca

    Yes…it’s so hard – seeing others who have a profound message, walking life with them and praying for them and their ministry – to see something like this happen.

    It can happen to anyone.

    We are all sinful.

    Me, I’m praying…and pondering…

    Reply
    1. Heidi Post author

      Hey sweet girl 🙂 I agree, it can happen to anyone but the signs of pride should not be ignored. I think we don’t want to acknowledge pride when we see it for fear of offending. This was the case in my family, and it seems as if again, this was ignored for far too long. Yes we are all vulnerable and we are all sinful—we all need accountability.

      Reply
  15. Annie Headdress Buffalo

    There are 3 ways that satan uses to take down all….. 1. Lust of flesh 2. Lust of eyes 3. Pride of Life…we should always be aware of these 3 as we walk in ministry. Don’t let compliments land into your spirit….

    Reply
  16. Dave

    I agree. I remember scrolling through a Vision Forum catalog about a year ago and seeing all the leaders, and especially Doug, accompanied by very innate sketches, as well as very carefully staged and edited photographs. I wondered if the ministry had became about a man, and it had.

    Reply
  17. Clarann Bjers

    Thanks for this beautiful post we all need to hear and embrace this…..I too have fallen and have been restored and yes PRIDE is the foundation that begins the assault….seems we battle it daily to keep in check still….we will always need prayer and support from others. Not lectures. We know the word and a simple prayer, accountability and encouragement goes a long way. We wont return to the previous ministry position, but we minister to those who hurt from this sin that affects us all after we have been restored with a repentant humbled heart. I Humbly ask for love, prayer, truth and grace for those of us who have fallen in the years past but stand redeemed in the Lord Jesus, delivered and restored!

    Reply
  18. Elaine Mingus (SuperRadChristianWriterChick.com)

    I think we should all remember that It Could Be Me! when we are thinking about sin. It could be ME that cheats on my husband. It could be ME that takes discipline too far. It could be ME that has a child that goes astray. If we realize we are vulnerable…maybe we could do the things that are necessary to prevent a fall. Pride says, “It will NEVER be me” but humility says “It could be me!”

    Reply
  19. Pingback: Confessions of a Recovering Legalist {part one} | The Busy Mom

  20. Katarina

    Pride plagues us all, sin plagues us all and we all have to do battle with them every day. We are all serious sinners. We all know this. We also know that we are to judge no one. I’m just trying to figure out how the Duggars thought they could put themselves out for millions of people to see, including their 19 children, and not anticipate some kind of crisis arising. When you extol the virtues of your family and way of life for all the world to see, you may want to consider that you are, in a sense, “asking for it.” If the parents had not decided that it was their duty to advertise their way of life and entertain people (or even worse, believe that they could instruct the world by their shining example), then the family crisis they are experiencing (which happens in many families) would not be a national crisis or a crisis of Christianity in America, but rather a personal crisis. I really don’t want my sins to be a stumbling block for anyone else. If I put my life on TV every week, I can guarantee you, I will disappoint people, most of all myself. The fact that the Duggar family has to deal with situations like these (with their son) does not shock me at all. People struggle in life. The fact that they thought it was a good idea to put their lives in public, have cameras on their children for years, and try to communicate some message to the world that they have the answers to how life should be lived, that fact really puzzles me. I cannot imagine living my life in front of a TV camera. People make big bucks off this show. The Duggars’ lives became a show…a TV show that made money, and probably most of all for people who do not share their beliefs at all. They put their lives out there for public consumption. With 19 children, how can it be possible that things aren’t picture perfect? As just one person, I am so far from perfect. Really, the crisis began with the decision to turn their personal lives into a TV show. The only thing any of us can do is pray for enlightenment to see what sinners we all truly are and repent, repent and repent, and ask for the grace of God to heal us and help us grow. We can ask this of our Savior for ourselves and all people. May God have mercy on us all.

    Reply
  21. Sarah

    Sisters in Christ, what I’ve seen in the past few weeks/months with the Duggars has brought great sorrow to my heart. But not so much regarding Josh himself. It’s how we as Christians are acting. Judging. Throwing stones, if you will. And it saddens me. How many times do we sin every single day? Pride. Check. Selfishness. Yes. And just when I think I have something “mastered”, it either pops up again or a new sin area is revealed in the Lord’s perfect timing. It is only by God’s grace that I haven’t fallen into “worse” sin. (Eph 2:8-9) But I have great hope and peace, for Jesus’ blood covers it all!

    If the Duggars felt lead to be a part of TLC, that’s between them and the Lord. Who are we to judge? Just because Josh’s sin was exposed through this doesn’t mean it’s a bad thing. Maybe this is the only way it would’ve been exposed, to help Josh towards true repentance… Perhaps this is how the Lord is going to reach his heart… and other men struggling with similar addictions… Even though sin is sad and gross, I know God is going to continue to use this for good– for all of us! I am praying for them but also for myself and my own pride.

    And to those who have idolized the Duggars, it’s a good reminder that only Christ is our rock and only the Bible is our standard. All else is imperfect. We all fall short. As Heidi mentioned at a conference, this post, and I’m sure other places, it’s a good reminder that Christ is the only One to save us. Not homeschooling. Nor role-models… When we pick up any other book than the Bible (even godly ones that the Lord can use to grow us) we need to be on guard not to make an idol of that author. Don’t get me wrong, the Bible is clear that discipleship is a GOOD, godly thing. But be on guard.

    Let’s love each other, as Christ loves us. He’s using each of us for His purposes and loves all of His children. 🙂

    Reply
  22. Pingback: Confessions of a Recovering Legalist {part one} | Author and Speaker, Heidi St. John

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