Are You A Gracious Friend?


DRAMA! Who needs it? It can be self perpetuating and so hard to pull ourselves away from. Sometimes it’s our drama, sometimes it’s other people’s.  It needs to be said: we moms can be the most guilty. Maybe it’s the mother bear in us that seems to make itself clearly present once we have given birth or experienced even a short stint in the season of motherhood? It can be tempting to think that we have it all figured out and sometimes we are insecure and somehow feel threatened by someone else’s choices.

I look back at how I have hurt other moms along the way and I cringe. WHAT was I thinking? It usually wasn’t intentional, but damaging just the same. So many painful lessons learned about what NOT to do.

I have also had friends stand by me in ways I never thought possible and give me an example to follow that showed me what TO DO. I try to be that to others.

As women, we have an amazing ability to bring encouragement, hope and strength for the journey to each other, but it requires being intentional in our friendships, keeping grace in the forefront of our thoughts and actions. Here are some ways that we can do that:

*Try to only do and say what is helpful and builds each other up. Ephesians 4:29 says, “No foul language is to come from your mouth, but only what is good for building up someone in need, so that it gives grace to those who hear.” It’s like a breath of fresh air.

*Accept the fact that each family is going to do things differently. We cannot be criticizing each other for the choices we make as a wife and mom, but instead humbly embracing and appreciating our differences. It’s really easy to give unsolicited advice or to criticize because another mom has made different decisions than we would, but it’s rarely helpful.

*I hesitate to even mention this because we all naturally tend to speak too quickly (please tell me I’m not the only one!): Sometimes God does use us to help and provide counsel to others, but we we need to not be hasty in doing so. If we are truly concerned and cannot seem to get something off of our minds, we need to PRAY for our friend. WAIT and see what God does. And, after that, if we still believe strongly that we should talk about it with her, approach the conversation prayerfully, humbly and choose our words very carefully. SPEAK THE TRUTH IN LOVE, truly desiring the best for our friend.

*Don’t be afraid to apologize. We all mess up, we make mistakes in relationships and sometimes they are doozies. I am so thankful that my friends have chosen to forgive me when I have shown poor judgment, and I try bear those moments in mind when others need my forgiveness.

We have all had people in our lives who, quite honestly, suck the life out of us. As wives and moms, we need to keep our relationships square with our priorities. We need to be good stewards of our energy by praying for wisdom in our friendships. If we invest well, we will reap the incredible results of godly friendships: friends that will walk with us through the joys and trials of life, who will be the eyes, ears, hands, feet and mouth of Jesus to us and we, to them.

Are you a good friend?


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Durenda Wilson is fairly new to the blogging world because she has been very busy the last 25 years raising 8 children and loving her handsome husband of 26 years. They have two married daughters and four grandbabies. Their oldest son is graduating from college this year and 5 kids are still at home, four of whom are boys! Durenda loves making good food for her family, but sometimes wishes dinner would make itself. She enjoys meaningful conversation over a good cup of coffee. She recently published a simple, mercifully short book sharing her perspective after 20 years of homeschooling with a "less is more" approach... "The Unhurried Homeschooler". She also shares her heart on her blog Simple Nourishing Home, FB, Twitter, and Pinterest.

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3 Responses to Are You A Gracious Friend?

  1. Naomi says:

    Good post, thank you! I have been feeling something for a friend and this is a reminder to pray first before even thinking of approaching her. What wise words.

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