To the Mom Who’s Forgotten to Be Kind to Herself

Be kind to yourself, Mom!


I sat back in my chair, exhausted. I closed my eyes and tried to take in the praise and worship music that was playing. Suddenly I felt the weight of the world on my shoulders. Until that moment, I had no idea how burdened I was.

As moms we tend to do that, don’t we? We take responsibility for huge parts of our circumstances and relationships as we navigate our marriages, children, and ministries. Often it feels like more than we can bear.

As I talk to other moms along the way, the one thing we all seem to have in common is guilt and often a heavy dose of condemnation.  Moms with babies worry about things like whether they co sleep, or cloth diaper, or what they feed their little ones. Moms of young children wonder if they are getting an early enough start on school, whether or not their child is keeping up educationally with others their own age or whether they are over protective or not protective enough.

Middle school and high school moms question whether or not they are being too hard on their kids, or not hard enough, letting go too soon or not soon enough. We worry that our kids aren’t going to like us or if we will ever have a peaceful relationship with them again. We say and do things we never thought we would and sometimes, in the heat of the moment, things we regret.

And moms with adult children sometimes see gaps in character or lack of maturity and are painfully aware that it’s too late to be the one to fix it. We feel regret.

Maybe you’re the mom whose family is undergoing great trials…trials you never expected or maybe even ones that you feel that you’ve brought on yourself? Life is HARD. It’s not what you had pictured for your family.

And then it comes…the heavy, wet blanket of condemnation. It’s suffocating. It’s debilitating. It makes us feel hopeless and alone.

And that’s EXACTLY what the enemy wants. Yes, you heard me right. This isn’t what it appears to be. It isn’t about us being the perfect mom, the perfect wife, the perfect friend. This is a spiritual battle that the enemy wages on our souls to do what He does best…steal, kill and destroy. He knows if he can disarm us, or at the very least discourage us, he neutralizes our effectiveness for the kingdom of God.

It’s time to declare war! We need to be persistent in taking back what belongs to us. God said, “So there is no condemnation for those who belong to Christ Jesus. And because you belong to him, the power of the life-giving Spirit has freed you from the power of sin that leads to death.” (Romans 8:1,2)

Did you hear that? NO condemnation. What does He give instead? He gives us His Spirit. He gives us FREEDOM. “So if the son sets you free, you are truly FREE!” (John 8:36)

Free to what? Free to trust God! Free to believe that what He says IS TRUE…”And we know that God causes everything to work together for the good of those who love God and are called according to his purpose for them.” (Romans 8:28)

God knows we are weak. He knows we are dust. He has more than enough grace and power to cover our mistakes. And at the end of the day, when we doubt our decisions, we need to bring that doubt to God, repent if we need to, and ask for His covering. God is the GREAT Redeemer. He can even take what the Enemy intends for evil and turn it into good.

Maybe these feelings are really signals to pray over those specific realms. We need to take those areas we feel condemnation and make them part of our prayer strategy!

And we really need to stop being so harsh with ourselves. We are going to make mistakes. We are going to sin. But the minute we forget that we are saved by grace and are called to continue to live by grace, we give the Enemy a foothold he should never, ever have and, quite frankly, has no right to.

Jesus paid a great price for this freedom we have in Him. It’s ours for the taking. He loves to see us enjoy this gift just like we love to watch our kids enjoy the good gifts we give them.

Be kind to yourself, because HE is. His heart toward you is tender and it is good. Rest in it.

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Durenda Wilson is fairly new to the blogging world because she has been very busy the last 25 years raising 8 children and loving her handsome husband of 26 years. They have two married daughters and four grandbabies. Their oldest son is graduating from college this year and 5 kids are still at home, four of whom are boys! Durenda loves making good food for her family, but sometimes wishes dinner would make itself. She enjoys meaningful conversation over a good cup of coffee. She recently published a simple, mercifully short book sharing her perspective after 20 years of homeschooling with a "less is more" approach... "The Unhurried Homeschooler". She also shares her heart on her blog Simple Nourishing Home, FB, Twitter, and Pinterest.

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8 Responses to To the Mom Who’s Forgotten to Be Kind to Herself

  1. Michelle Carino says:

    Thank you for this! It’s easy to forget that our struggle as s mom is also a spiritual battle. I realized after reading this post that the enemy has been working double time to kill, steal, and destroy the joy I used to have in being a mom and in homeschooling. I was homeschooling for four years, took a break last year and put my older 2 in a private charter school because I was pregnant with twins. This year I decided to bring them back home… I was going crazy (Normally, I could do crazy.). Then, just today, I put my second grader back in school (My eldest is still at home because she lost her spot.). Things just started to seem too much to bear… care for the kids, love your husband, dishes, laundry, clean the house, and then there is still Math to do.

    I wish I had you and Heidi on speed dial. I mean, how do you do it? I only have 6… 10, 7, 4, 2, and 8 month old twins. I love this school he is in, but still my heart is sad that he is not homeschooling anymore :(

    • Heidi says:

      Sweet Michelle— it’s all … grace. Do what you can. Be obedient to God, even when you think you can’t and watch Him show up. He’s good like that. No condemnation! Listen to the voice of the Spirit as He whispers to your soul, “Peace. Be still.” You are loved! -heidi

  2. Carrie S says:

    Durenda, I feel like you wrote this blog post just for me. The words spoke straight to my heart. I’m so grateful that you took the time to share from such an honest, yet loving place.

  3. Amy Lee says:

    Thank you for this timely post that lifted me up during a week where I feel more like Cruella Deville than mom! I read this the morning after my 6 year old told me, as I was putting him to bed, that I always seem to be mad at him and his brothers. After my initial heartbreak I proceeded to apologize profusely, hug him relentlessly and profess my never-ending love for him. I then came downstairs and beat myself up for the rest of the evening feeling like a complete failure. He was tired and sick so we just had “one of those days” and I knew that was where it was coming from, but I also knew that there was truth that in his little world it probably does seem like I am always mad at them. I needed your post so desperately to forgive myself and remind myself that I am human and each day His mercy is new. That next day we had a much better day in our house in general. Throughout the day as they disobeyed and pushed my buttons, I kept my cool, but also pointed out that those moments of button-pushing and disobedience contribute to the problem so we have to remember that we are a team. Thank you for your insight and experience which I respect so much!

    • Durenda says:

      Your response to the still, small voice of God was perfect! It’s something we cycle through many times over our years as a mom. I’ve messed up countless times and yet, God continues to be gracious in the hearts of our children.
      Keep up the good work! You are doing a wonderful job!

  4. Cameo says:

    What a powerful read on remembering to trust GOD! I know sometimes I put a lot on myself making sure my daughter is well taken care of. It’s hard to sit back and say “I’m doing my best”. I always think there is more I can do for her. But, she’s healthy, has a roof over her head, safe and happy and that’s nothing but GOD!

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