Hot Monogamy: 3 Ways Massage Can Ignite Passion in Your Marriage

Find out how massage can bring back or build up trust, intimacy and passion in your marriage!

 I don’t like to buy a gift just because Hallmark says I should.  That’s why I love this video series. It’s an investment in my marriage!  So what is at the top of your list this Valentine’s Day? If you answered “nothing,” or “folding laundry,” keep reading—because I get you. It’s not that we don’t love our husbands, right? It’s that we’re just.so.tired. After a long day, intimacy is often the last thing on my mind. I just want to unwind and relax. Trouble is, my husband’s idea of relaxing and mine can look very different, IYKWIM.

Does this sound familiar? “Hot monogamy, you say? I just want to sleep!”

Statistics tell us that men and women struggle to find time for intimacy in their marriage. In fact, most married couples I speak to tell me that one of the first areas in the relationship to take a hit when the stress of life comes is physical intimacy. It’s easy to put a tender caress to the bottom of the list amidst the busyness of life—when in reality, physical touch is one of the best de-stressors we have in marriage!

Last year, I was introduced to a series of videos that I think are going to change the way my husband and I see date night. I figured I’d check them out and was so impressed, I’m sharing them with you. Let’s just say I think you’re gonna love this idea. :)

Looks good, right? Show this to your man, ladies, because I know he’ll want to give it a try after seeing this video. My husband was actually more stoked than I was—because he knows that it’s difficult for me to switch out of  laundry, carpool, dishes and meal mode and just focus on being together.  Massage gives us the gift of relaxation and time together to reconnect with my husband and spend time thinking about just the two of us. A simple massage with some essential oils (mixed with my favorite carrier oil) allows me to  focus on how my body feels—and for me (and many other women!) that’s 9/10 of the struggle. When I’m focusing on my body and my husband rather than my to-do list, good things happen for both of us.

Forget “50 Shades of Grey.” The real thing is better.
Marriage should be a passionate love affair that never gets boring.
In short, monogamy should be hot!

If you’ve “lost that loving feeling,” here’s my challenge: This February, mark a few nights off on your calendar (Valentine’s day is a great place to start, but I’m talking about a habit,  not a holiday) and make an evening of relaxing together. If you enjoy wine, put the kids to bed and take some wine and cheese to your room. Light a candle (or ten, if you’re candle-obsessed like me) turn your favorite music on, and watch these videos together. (I tell you my 5 favorite things about them at the end, so keep reading!)

Find out how massage can help you connect with your husband and re-light the fire in your marriage@

Not sure where to start? Check out MELT as you make your plans. Not gonna lie: When I told Jay I was looking into this last year, his smile said it all. We have loved using these this year!

MELT — Massage for Couples — Click Here

Build Intimacy and Trust in Your Marriage through Massage: Here’s Why It Works:

1. Massaging each other is an opportunity to slow down… together

High-speed internet. 24 hour email access. Real-time status updates. Is it just me? Or does the world seem to spin faster these days? Sitting down to a decadent massage together provides a rare opportunity to stop and be together, focused entirely on each other. For just 30 minutes, you can dim the lights, play some soft music and treat each other to a muscle-melting massage. This is a wonderful escape for multi-tasking wives and the husbands who love them.

melt: massage for couples

2. Massage in marriage is a 100% “hands-on” experience

It doesn’t take a marriage therapist to tell you that giving your spouse a massage enhances your intimate connection and builds trust in your marriage. Intimacy is a requirement for healthy relationships, but it doesn’t always come automatically. We need to make space and time to foster our intimate connections, and massaging each other is one very simple way to do that. On top of the time you spend together, you very literally have your hands on each other, helping to reinforce the intimate bond. As you start to work knots from aching muscles and your partner falls back into you, you can take that as a sign of complete trust. The entire experience is seriously incredible. And, if you are both so inclined (and I promise you, it will be hard not to be) it can lead to wonderfully intimate and steamy sex, too.

3. Massage speaks to several “love languages” at once

Treating your husband to a massage is a beautiful way to show him that he’s very much appreciated and loved. In fact it hits almost every Love Language, if you think about it. Massage very clearly speaks to the Physical Touch love language, of course. But if you think about it, it’s also Quality Time spent together, it’s an Act of Service (especially if you don’t ask for one in return!) and if you play your cards right it can make for a gorgeous gift… just package up some massage oil and a scented candle in a big bow and then go on to actually massage your husband and watch him melt with joy.

Last year, I visited my massage therapist several times, due to complications from surgery. The last time I saw her, I asked how I could teach my husband to do some of her techniques at home. “Training,” was all she said. So imagine my excitement when Denis Merkas, a Registered Massage Therapist, contacted me about the MELT: Massage for Couples video series that he did with his wife Emma.  I was really excited (and not just because I got to watch the videos, too!).

Denis shows couples that massaging properly is easier than you think!

I really do think this can lead to closer marriages, and can help to reduce stress for both of you. If you’re worried that your husband will never understand how much you need massage, ask him to watch these with you and practice what you’ve learned together. It’s a great way to bring something new and needed into our marriages and invest in our future. Even the arrangement of how you sit is no mistake – before any technique was created or routine designed, Denis and his wife researched the most romantic way to position our bodies, because the bed simply wasn’t good enough.

It’s easy, too—Denis recommends you stage your massage experience into three separate date nights… “it’s unlike anything you’ve ever done before. Simply add oil and follow along to the videos online. Use your iPad, Laptop or even SMART TV, the videos are device ready.”

Here are a few things I loved about the MELT series:

1. Denis keeps things PG-rated.

Sure, there’s romantic music and the couple is massaging each other, but clothes stay on, and the focus is on learning how to give a massage. (Yes, she’s wearing a strapless top, but that’s so you can see the proper technique on her shoulders). As Denis says, if things lead somewhere else, that’s fine–but that’s not what his video series is trying to teach you. So you don’t have to worry that this is pornographic in nature! It isn’t–it really is just about learning technique.

2. We learned that we were doing massage wrong—and how to do it right.

These videos break down our misconceptions about massage—which shows what we’re doing wrong—and how to do massage right! (hint: no thumbs allowed!) I have now become the massage favorite during movie night at our house. It’s easy!

3. The videos are short to watch together

Each video broken down into short tutorials that are under 5 minutes in length. Each focus is on learning one technique. About 6 videos form a series, and there are 3 series altogether: The Basic Strokes, the Highlights, and the Deep Tissue stuff.  The Basic Strokes Series teaches you how to actually move your hands to achieve maximum impact–and maximum ooohs and aaaahs.

You’ll watch 7 short videos and learn a new technique with each one, and then at the end there’s a 15 minute video that features a routine using all your new techniques. The Deep Tissue Series focuses on how to use your thumbs to really work out knots. It’s so helpful–and at the end is a 30 minute routine that you can use on each other.

4. Everything builds on each other.

It’s amazing! Each night you feel like you’ve learned something new, and at the end of the series, you will have confidence in your technique and understanding of how massage works.

5. They’re easy to watch together and do together.

(Translation: great date night!) You just watch one of the short ones a night and then practice on each other. Because you’re watching the technique, it’s easy to say, “I’ll go first, then you try it.” Or, to make it more enticing for him, let him massage you first. That way you can’t fall asleep because you have to massage him afterwards–so he won’t worry that if he massages you the night will be over because you’ll be in dreamland. I’ve been saying a lot on this blog that it is so important to start going to bed together at the same time so that you have opportunity to connect.

Instead of watching one more show on Netflix, or browsing Pinterest, or playing one more video game, this gives you a reason to head to bed.

You watch a video, pull out some massage oil, and then do it! And as you touch, it does help nerves to fire. If that leads to something else, woo hoo! As someone who does carry a lot of stress physically, massage is such a service to me and helps me feel closer to my husband.

So many men carry stress on their backs and necks, too, and if we can learn to release that, we can actually change the dynamic in the marriage.

I hope you’ll make this no-brainer investment in your marriage and check out MELT: Massage for Couples.

Foot rub videos free, so $171 value for $99!

 Only $99.00 until February 14th with LIFETIME video access to some incredible massage techniques.  There’s a 60 day money back guarantee, so what do you even have to lose?

Visit MELT: Massage for Couples—because, as Denis and Emma, the creators of MELT, say every couple deserves a little massage.

Click here to check out MELT

I sent these to my daughter and her husband because they have a toddler and a newborn—and as you know— “T” is for “toddler” and “tired.” :) I’m winning points like crazy this Valentine’s Day… and I’m not even counting the ones I made with my sweet man.

I dare you to try it and not have fun.  :)

Give each other a romantic back rub at home – it’s the perfect Valentine’s Date idea, dim lights, scented candles and massage oil makes for the most memorable Valentine’s Day you’ve had in a longtime!

Current special ends February 14, 2017!  Click here

Oh yeah and one more thing… these are not only great for cheap stay home date nights (works out at around $25 a date night if you split it over three nights!), they also make amazing gifts for any couple. You can buy a few gift vouchers at the promotional price now and use them whenever – they never expire! That means you can stash them for birthdays, Christmas or even wedding presents and gift them along with a beautiful massage oil and a scented candle for a unique, awesome gift that will really make an impression!

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Heidi St. John
Heidi St. John has been married to her husband Jay since 1989. Together they have seven children from toddler to adult and have homeschooled all the way through high school. A favorite conference and radio speaker, Heidi approaches marriage and parenting with humor and grace. Her passion to encourage moms and set them free to be who God has created them to be will bless and encourage you.
Heidi St. John
Heidi St. John
Heidi St. John

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21 Responses to Hot Monogamy: 3 Ways Massage Can Ignite Passion in Your Marriage

  1. Kelly says:

    Hi Heidi:

    Do you have a particular essential oil company you prefer?

    • Heidi says:

      Hi Kelly, and YES. Absolutely. :) Lavender,frankincense, and Ylang Ylang are my faves. I also love oils that have an “earthy” scent to them, so Sandalwood is great, too. Have a great Valentine’s Day!

      • Carol says:

        ? Am I missing something. Is Yes the name of the company??

        • Heidi says:

          The massage company is called MELT. Have a great Valentine’s Day!

          • Kari says:

            She was asking do you have an essential OIL company that you prefer. :-)

          • Heidi says:

            I love Spark Naturals, Mountain Rose Herbs and Young Living. :) I agree with Emma, NOW is easy to find at high-end grocery stores.
            Go to Spark Naturals and use the code “busymom” and you’ll get 10% off your order! I love Young Living too – https://www.youngliving.org/heidistjohn

          • Emma Merkas says:

            Hi Ladies!

            As far as essential oil companies go, there’s a lovely one called Mountain Rose Herbs that you can order from online. They’re organic, pesticide-free, fair trade, premium oils at decent prices.

            There’s also a brand called Now Foods that they stock at Whole Foods and on Amazon that have some lovely oils and some of their range is organic too.

            You only need a few drops per bottle of carrier oil! Also, just do some research first to make sure the oil is right for you. Not all are suitable for all medical conditions, etc.

            I also recommend checking that your partner likes the scent too. Nothing worse than a massage with a fragrance you can’t stand!

            I hope that helps!

  2. Amy Lee says:

    I never know what to get my husband for Valentine’s day…I LOVE it! Much better than another Starbucks gift card, and I can benefit from the gift… I almost feel guilty. Almost.

  3. Tami says:

    What carrier oil do you recommend? I have to order the course when my Paypal money comes through on Monday (my secret gift giving fund) I’m sure he suggests oils on the video, but I may have to order the oil before I order the videos so it will get here on time. My husband won’t be tipped off by an amazon order on the credit card! BTW, he doesn’t care, it’s just hard to to keep a surprise from the one who DILEGENTLY does the finances. That’s a blessing most times, until I’m trying to sneak a gift for him! Thanks for any suggestions for carrier oils!

    • Heidi says:

      Hi Tami! I love almond oil—you can buy it at any vitamin store, on Amazon, at Whole Foods, etc. Have a GREAT time!

    • Emma Merkas says:

      We second Heidi here – cold pressed sweet almond oil is a fantastic carrier oil easy to source too.

      If nut allergies are a problem, we recommend grapeseed oil or apricot oil.

      Happy massaging!

  4. Kirstin says:

    Hey Heidi,
    Yay for the momheart conference. Thanks for sharing. I adopt you as my role model!!! I want to be just like you when I grow up. Heehee. Loved what you shared and really came to the conference with a friend not knowing what I really needed from it. Don’t get me wrong, mommy hood is hard, but I’m pretty content with the path we’re on and I actually didn’t really want to take time away from the business at home to listen to a bunch of moms talk at me. Well, God’s good and has His plan and I discovered my focus in parenting is actually going to be spending more energy on my marriage. Love the hubby, but man is that relationship on the back burner most days. I looked up your blog while sitting at the conference and low and behold the first post was on intimacy in marriage. So cool. Thanks to God for the paths He chooses to cross and the way he sends encouragement to us aside from the sweet perfection of His word. Thanks for taking the time to talk at me.

  5. Carol says:

    This looks absolutely astounding!

  6. Michelle says:

    Heidi spoke of this last year too. Amazing gift. My husband is awesome. We love MELT.

  7. Ana Wilis says:

    My husband and I are currently watching his free video series and loving it!!! Definitely on my wish list for Valentine’s Day! We all so need more connection and romance on our marriages nowadays. Thanks for sharing this post Heidi! This just reinforced the quality and value of Melt for those who were still over the fence like me. :)

  8. Candice says:

    Heidi, I can’t find a way to email you privately, so I will post my thoughts as a comment here. I just listened to your latest podcast (I am not on FB, by the way, so missed the whole backlash situation you described). I am disheartened to hear about the responses you got to your very wise and helpful advice about the movie. I know that you are, too. I just wanted to encourage you that there are many women out here that agree with you; that want to present our bodies AND MINDS as living sacrifices to God, holy and acceptable to Him through Christ. I wonder how many people claim the title ‘Christian’ but do not really know the saving power of Christ and the transforming process of the Holy Spirit’s work? Or maybe they are very young in their spiritual journey with the Lord? Either way, you are doing a wonderful job of being a light in a dark culture. Be encouraged, friend! And keep it up! I love your podcasts and look forward to them when I have a few uninterrupted minutes to listen! I’m a Mom of eight and appreciate the common perspective I share with you and Durenda! 😉

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