Dear Mom Who Isn’t Feeling Very Positive About Another Positive Pregnancy Test

What you are doing is worth it, precious mother!

I’lll never forget the moment when I learned I was pregnant with my fifth child. Yes. We knew how “that” happened—but this, this was not in our plans. I stared at that pregnancy test in disbelief. Surely the Lord saw where we were financially! Surely He knew how overwhelmed I felt already, how inadequate.

Another baby meant we would have to step up to the next size car and it meant people would start staring at us in Costco.  I’m ashamed to admit that I was embarrassed by my fifth pregnancy. I wasn’t thinking of the blessing—I was thinking of the burden. I was worried about what other people would think.

I wasn’t sure I had the energy for another baby—and I since I was struggling with the four children I already had, I knew for sure I didn’t have the patience. Can you relate?

It’s a good thing God’s strength is found in weakness. He met me there in my weakness, a sobbing, hormonal mess on my bedroom floor. I cried out to Him—literally—and He met me there. Just like He will meet you.

My fifth baby is now a wonderful, twelve year old blessing. God used our fifth child to teach me new things about His unfailing love and provision.  God’s ways are so counter to the culture! Embracing God’s promises brings life.

We now have seven children and two grandsons (our second grandson is due in December!) My child-bearing years are over. As I look back over those busy, busy years, my heart is filled with gratitude.  I’m grateful to have had the opportunity to have seven children under our roof at one time. I’m glad I got over being stared at in Costco. And I’m glad God’s mercies really are new every morning.

Believe God’s Word, precious mom. Your children are God’s gracious gift to you, whether you “planned” them or not.

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Heidi St. John
Heidi St. John has been married to her husband Jay since 1989. Together they have seven children from toddler to adult and have homeschooled all the way through high school. A favorite conference and radio speaker, Heidi approaches marriage and parenting with humor and grace. Her passion to encourage moms and set them free to be who God has created them to be will bless and encourage you.
Heidi St. John
Heidi St. John
Heidi St. John

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21 Responses to Dear Mom Who Isn’t Feeling Very Positive About Another Positive Pregnancy Test

  1. Tarrah says:

    Hi Heidi! Thanks for this post! I am six weeks pregnant with our fourth child. I have a six year old, an almost 5 year old, and a two year old. We were actually trying to get pregnant. It took us about 4 months, and each month I was disappointed to get a negative pregnancy test. Then I got a positive and I actually felt completely freaked out, like what on earth were we thinking. In just the last couple weeks, I have struggled with insomnia and depression (pre-existing struggles that were only intensified by pregnancy hormones and also having to stop taking some supplements I had been using before pregnancy to treat these symptoms). I have been exhausted, sad and of course nauseous. I have felt like there is something wrong with me for not feeling happy or excited about this pregnancy. It’s not like it was a surprise. I’m just trusting right now that those bonds will form over time and the feeling of fear will be replaced with joy and contentment.

    • Heidi says:

      I understand, Tarrah! Hang in there. It will be worth it. The enemy’s goal here is to steal your joy… don’t let him. The joy of the Lord will be your strength! Hugs from a mom who’s been there … xoxo heidi

  2. Dana says:

    Thnk you for this, for your honesty and sharing your heart. We are ten weeks pregnant with our fifth and it has been eating me up tht I am not very positive about it. I have been to ashamed to admit that to anyone! I have been crying out in prayer, mostly to ask for forgiveness for the awful way I have felt towards this blessing! And I know it is a blessing. But I just feel so inadequate, so tired out, so uneasy of what it means for us. We havent even been announcing it because the few we have told have been negative reactions too. I thank you for the reminder of His truth and how He sees children. I am grateful just overwhelmed with it all- the parenting challenges, finances, homeschool, etc. Thank you for being so brave to speak how you felt those years ago because you have touched my heart now when I have been too afraid to speak how I feel but desperately needed to know someone knows how I feel. Thank you.

  3. Amy says:

    Good words! I am 12 weeks along with a surprise pregnancy. My ‘baby’ is 5, I have 7 other blessings at home, and I will be 45 next week! I know all the ‘right’ answers, but have struggled in my heart to find joy. I am just plain tired and overwhelmed and burdened with how to do it all. But…..I am reminded that this is LIFE….a living soul created by God as a gift to us. May I continue to seek Him in my weakness for HIS strength and provision. He is faithful and will meet all of our needs. My struggles don’t change His promises :-)

    • Heidi says:

      Oh, Amy! <3 Hugs to you, sweet mama! I was 42 when I had my youngest. She’s one of our family’s greatest joys. I hear you on the “tired” front. Keep in the Word. His strength is found in weakness. xoxo,heidi

  4. Laura P. says:

    Thank you so much for your honesty. It’s so hard for us sometimes to admit these feelings that seem so wrong! But it brought me so much comfort to see that you had similar feelings to another unexpected pregnancy. We’ve heard all the jokes (don’t you know how that happens?!) And all of the shock (how old will she be when the baby is born??) But although it took us quite some time to announce our news, mostly so that we could digest it and come to terms with our feelings, it has become a joyful feeling as we anxiously await (surprise) blessing #4.

  5. Ashley says:

    Thank you for this reminder! I’m currently 29 weeks pregnant with our 4th child and I have noticed we are starting to get the “stare” from people as well. Even though we did plan for this baby, it has been freaking me out a little….worrying about how I’m going to handle it all when I feel so overwhelmed already. My other littles are 4, 2, and 16 months. Thank you for reminding me that I don’t have to be perfect or have it all together because God does! My children are a blessing and it makes me sad when people don’t see it that way sometimes, but I know that the Lord is in control. He loves all of my babies even more than I do.

  6. Jen says:

    Thank you for such a beautiful reminder. I read this yesterday morning, knowing in my heart that I was pregnant but literally refusing to buy a test because that’s how much I didn’t want to be pregnant. Your post calmed my nervous heart and reminded me of that very thing, children are a blessing from the Lord. By the way, I bought a test, and we are indeed pregnant with number 4. We have a 6,3, and 16 month old at home. Thank you for the encouragement.

  7. Liz says:

    I would love just one more. Most days. The rest of the time I see how much I’m failing at raising the 3 we do have. I’m older now too. almost 37. I had my thyroid removed after the 3rd baby and haven’t been the same. So tired all the time, can’t get my levels right. I think it’s time to hang it up but it breaks my heart at the same time. I can’t bare to let go of all the baby stuff. I know it’s time though but I am broken hearted. And as an aside, I always stare at “that” mom at Costco. I AM so jealous. She figured it out way before me but I am happy for her. Wish we would have planned from the beginning for a big family.

  8. Amber says:

    People don’t realize we Mommas with large families struggle at times with surrender and timing. I have 10 children, I kept track of my cycles and knew the risks of relations, so we were never surprised to be pregnant. My last was conceived while the calendar said we were in the clear. A second ovulation and a pink line had me in tears on the bathroom floor for nearly nine months. Didn’t God see how bad of a time this was. How stressed out our life, finances and business were. I was in a deep dark hole. How could I tell someone how unhappy I was with out their judgement. Thank God he sustained me. We made it through. My son is 4. He is the joy of my latter years and I am thankful for him. I am thankful I ignored the whispers that were saying you don’t have to do this.
    Dear Christian, please make your voice of love and support be louder than the whispers of the enemy. The unwed mother does not have to carry her baby in this day and age but she chooses to. Show her the love of Christ. One day she will thank Him for her blessing.
    Thanks for sharing Heidi. Number 10 moved us out of our car as well. I am joy filled again but don’t get me started about the stares.

  9. Aimee says:

    Thank you for this post! I feel like my mind and heart are do opposite these days. We have 3 children, 4 and under. I just started homeschooling a few weeks ago,it’s going well! But the thought of another pregnancy right now has feeling anxious, if I got pregnant how will I keep things all together?! Orginally I felt ok with having several children and just not preventing. But now… I’m struggling bc it’s so hard sometimes. How can I do all of this and add more and not lose it? My attitude lately has wavered, i dont want to feel like this, so how can i add more! I’m reminded that I need “to die to self.” The illusion of controlling things seems so tempting but we didn’t plan our children and are SO blessed. I’m 28… I have more fertile years. Any advice?

    • Heidi says:

      Hi Aimee. <3 You know, I have always believed that this tender area of birth control is best left to you, your husband and the Lord. I see no evidence in Scripture against birth control— rather, I see evidence of God saying that children are a blessing, which is in stark contrast to the world. This leaves freedom for you to choose (as much as we get to choose) :) when you have babies. Take care of yourself, be kind to your body. You have many years left to have more children. If your body and spirit are telling you to rest, then rest. Enjoy those precious gifts!

  10. vickity907 says:

    One thing I love about our Lord, is that when we think we just can’t handle another baby or we doubt ourselves as parents…. He trusts us with one more baby.
    We just found out that we’re having #6 and I am thrilled. I homeschool our kids and I feel overwhelmed EVERYDAY. But, I know that our Father gives us good gifts and He obviously thinks we can “handle” another blessing and so He’s giving us one.
    We had 8 years of infertility and now God has opened the flood gates on our behalf. Every child is new miracle from Him and we are blown away by His goodness.

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