When Valentine's Day is Hard: Encouragement for single moms

When Valentine’s Day is Hard

Valentine’s Day has always been a hard day for me. When my marriage started to crumble it became almost unbearable. Even now almost 4 years later the day is still hard. Watching couples gush over each other is hard. Seeing beautiful pregnant ladies is hard. Watching families playing together at the playground is hard. It’s hard all year round but there’s something about a day that supposed to be all about love that makes it harder.

When Valentine's Day is Hard: Encouragement for single moms

Feel the pain but don’t wallow in self pity

What are we to do when our homes and hearts are broken and there’s love all around? Feel the pain. Anytime that you try to ignore that ache in your heart you are at risk of making some poor choices. I don’t know about you, but when I start trying to ignore the fact that I’m hurting I usually find myself in a sticky situation.  A situation that always ends up with me in more pain than before I started.

You’ve got to feel the pain to get to the healing. But don’t throw yourself a pity party.

Forgive the person that’s causing you pain

Yes I know it’s the last thing that you want to do but you have to. The hardest thing that I’ve ever had to do was to forgive my ex for walking out on our family. But I had to do it or I was going to be no good to my children, my friends or anyone else that came across my path.

If you are at the point where you are in new relationships it may be a little tricky. You get your hopes tied up that maybe this man is the one, that maybe you’ll get it right this time. And then it doesn’t work out the way you expected. Maybe you both realize that it’s not a good fit. Maybe you decide that you just aren’t ready for a commitment yet. Or maybe, dear sister you find yourself ready to commit to someone else and they reject you.

Whatever the situation forgive. Every single time you think about that hurt they caused, forgive. Forgive them and then forgive yourself.

Remember that He loves you

My last piece of encouragement for you is to remember that He loves you. God loves you all the time no matter what. When your husband tells you that you aren’t pretty anymore, God says you are beautiful.  When you feel worthless and unwanted remember that Jesus loved you so much that He died on the cross for you. When that person that you care about so much decides to betray and hurt you, God loves you. He loves you and will be there to pick up the pieces of your broken heart and make you whole again.

Have some fun

I know that getting through Valentine’s Day is hard, but one of the best ways to avoid overfocusing on our own pain is to focus on others.  I do that by having fun with my boys on February 14th. Here are some suggestions for you:

  • Watch A Charlie Brown Valentine
  • Bake and decorate some heart shaped cookies
  • Spend the day with some good friends
  • Make some cards with your children and take an hour or so to deliver them personally
  • Get all dressed up and take your children out for a meal or let them take you out (even you have to give them the money to do it)

If you are hurting today please leave a comment so I can pray with you. You don’t have to leave any details a simple “pray for me” will do.

~LaToya, Learning to Let HIM Lead

Heidi St John Guide to Daylight

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About LaToya Edwards

LaToya is a recovering perfectionist and control freak that loves old movies, good books and strawberry Hagen Daas ice cream. She traded in a law degree to homeschool her children and be home full-time to serve her family. Through trials of divorce, depression, death and more she has learned how to find joy in motherhood and God’s purpose and plan in broken circumstances. As a certified life coach it is LaToya’s desire to encourage and equip other women to do the same. You can keep up with LaToya on her blog.

18 thoughts on “When Valentine’s Day is Hard

  1. Luci

    Thank you so much for sharing your heart. Mine has just gine cold. between a serious illness, six kids and an over worked husband, I have felt ignored and alone for too many years. Valentine’s is a tough time; none of that lovey dovey stuff has happenednat my house for years.
    I am going to try to remember what I already know; He did for me–ugly, sad, ungratrful me.
    Thank you!

    Reply
      1. Zama Khumalo

        Thank you for sharing. I expected thiis Valentine’s day to be difficult but I made it through it by His grace. I’m recently separated and considering a divorce. Pray for me please, especially for some wisdom and to be honest with myself during this time and for my daughter that she comes out of this time fairly intact. Thank you.

        Reply
  2. BP

    Oh, how your words hit home for me. I’ve never before heard someone vocalize the sadness I feel on Valentine’s Day. That holiday which is full of joy and anticipation for so many is one of heartbreak and dread for me. Unlike you, though, I am still married. For more than ten years now the holidays that so many love (Valentine’s, Birthdays, even Christmas) have left me feeling empty and lonely. I have always tried to serve others despite my own feelings, but the gaping hole in my heart remains. I try to stay hopeful, though my spouse seems uninterested in saving our relationship. For me, Valentine’s Day is particularly hard. I could really use prayer support and am grateful for your reminders that my Father loves me no matter what!

    Reply
    1. LaToya Edwards Post author

      Oh my sister my heart hurts for you. I have been there and remember how hard it was for me. Hang in there! Keep praying, keeping believing and know that I am praying with you and our God has not forgotten you.

      Reply
  3. Becki @Running with Team Hogan

    Do you have any suggestions of what others can do to help those who we know have a hard time with this holiday? Should we reach out to our hurting friends at Valentine’s Day or is it better to not because it might hurt them more? What would be an encouragement for them?

    Reply
    1. Celine

      As a person who struggles with such days I encourage you to reach out. Send them a note or a card, send a plant or flowers. Let them know that they are loved by you. Do something special for them or invite them over. I don’t think you can really go wrong with reaching out unless your going to spend the time bragging on how special your day was.

      Reply
    2. LaToya Edwards Post author

      Becki I think that it will depend on your friend. I enjoy hanging out my friends if it’s a girls night. It can be a little awkward if there are a bunch of couples and I’m the only single one there.

      I think it’s great that you want to reach out.

      Reply
  4. R. Jack

    Thank you so much for opening up and sharing. Valentines Day is also rough for me. My husband left 4 years ago and it resulted in us divorcing. Forgiveness is something I have to do on a daily basis.

    This year I was thinking about buying some flowers just for me. I rarely ever do something for me. I have 3 kids and money is tight. Yet, I think I am looking forward to picking up some pretty flowers. A small visual reminder that God love me and that is what I need to keep my eyes fixed on.

    If God places a special man in my life that would be a blessing but for now…. I am picking up flowers for me on Friday. 🙂

    Reply
  5. Divorcingyoungmama

    This is the first Valentines Day Im spending alone for the last six years. It has been a hard week. No, it’s been a hard few months. This time last year I was completely oblivious to the gathering storm that was going to rip my family apart. I hear your words. I understand your words. But I am having the hardest time putting them into action. Forgiveness is not my forte and I easily forget the love anyone has for me, let alone God’s love. Please pray for me hard. Ive always wanted a big family like yours but I have little hope that it’s going to happen for me now. God bless.

    Reply
    1. LaToya Edwards Post author

      Forgiveness is a struggle of mine as well. Start slowly. Take it one day or hour at a time. It took me a long time to completely forgive my ex. You will get there I promise! Give yourself grace and rest in God’s love. He knows your pain and is able to heal your heart.

      Reply
  6. Columba Lisa Smith

    It’s not easy. I’ve been a single mom of three for 14 years. Valentine’s Day is hard because you have the Thing you often try to ignore, right in your face. I’ve never bothered celebrating it with my kids. I’m still burned out from Christmas! We’ve never made VD a big deal.
    I’m going to post about love and the inner single mom on my blog this Friday. I’ve been reminded lately that God’s love strengthens us to face anything.

    Reply

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