Posts Tagged ‘what really matters’

Good morning, busy mom!

We are now in Ludington, MI.  When we rolled into Indianapolis the day before, it was midnight. And we were crabby! It wasn’t pretty — but this is the “busy season” for our family, and God seems to give us just enough grace for each other every day.  Just enough. Unless we push too hard, or go too long without rest. Then, things can get ugly.

It reminded me a season of life we were in several years ago, where the Lord spoke to me about the importance of keeping my heart in tune to the heartbeat of our marriage.  See if you can relate:

It had been a busy day.

Nevermind.

It had been a busy month. Meetings, schoolwork, deadlines, family needs, doctor appointments–unplanned emergencies–unwanted drama, un-invited stress.

Unintended consequences.

If the world could spin any faster, I’m sure I would have been flung right off.

My Type A, scheduling self was not enjoying this.  I was repeating the phrase “bend, don’t break” as I went from the car to the kitchen to the laundry room.  I spied a bag of clothing that I had forgotten to take to Goodwill.  ”Shoot! That’s the third time I’ve left the house for something and forgotten that bag!”

I muttered to myself  as I walked into the office to sort paperwork. ”Stop the ride! I want to get off!” My husband looked up at me from his desk.  I saw the same weariness in his eyes that I felt. It was as if his eyes were reflecting mine.

Tired. Worn-out. Weary.

It had been several weeks since we had really enjoyed any quality time together. According to the calendar, there were no quiet evenings coming up in our future, either.  Worse yet, we could not even manage a quiet evening in!  The toddlers were up early, the teens were up late… and somewhere between toddlers and teenagers, our marriage was taking a hit.

It was clear that things were ot as they should be, and our relationship was beginning to show signs of the strain we were under.  We were short with each other. Our conversations lacked grace. The end of the day found us falling into bed exhausted. (Insert tired expression here that says “I love you … but not tonight.”)

Trouble was, there was no “white space” in our lives. We had made our regular commitments, and life had filled in the rest of the “white space” on my calendar-without asking permission!

If you’ve heard me speak before, you know how I feel about having at least two days of nothing on my calendar each week.  I call it “white space”, and  I try to protect those free days because no white space on our calendar = no margin in our lives.

And no margin = trouble.

Does this sound familiar? It’s easy to let it happen.  Sometimes, we can prevent it, and sometimes, we can’t. When life gets a little nutty, we take it for granted that eventually things will slow down.  But the older my kids get, the more I’m realizing that if I am not intentional about taking time out of my busy life to nurture my marriage, my husband and I run the risk of living parallel lives.

You see, the fact that we have a good marriage now doesn’t protect us from ending up with a bad marriage down the road.  I know — because I’ve seen it happen, over and over again.

Most marriages end because of neglect. We just take it for granted that our spouse will always be there, that we’ll have time “next week.”  But more dangerous than unintentional neglect is the kind we do on purpose: we say things like “after the kids are grown” we’ll have time to invest in our marriage.

It’s one of the biggest traps we can fall into, this “for granted” trap. We take it for granted that

• Our marriage will always be strong
• Pornography will never be a problem
• Our husbands always “understand” how tired we are (so we don’t have the conversation)
• Adultery will not be part of our lives
• “Next week” things will get easier or slow down

Marriage matters. It’s important.  And we can’t just put this precious relationship on auto-pilot for extended periods of time and expect things to be okay.

But we do.  We forget that our marriages, like tender plants, need tending.

Yes, there are seasons where we need extra amounts of patience and grace.  (I’m in one right now, as we travel in our van from convention to convention with our kids.)

Yes, life is always changing–and we need to flex and change with it.

But let’s not take our marriages for granted. Let’s keep them strong and healthy – on purpose! Here are three ways we can keep your marriage strong through the seasons of quiet and busy that inevitably come:

• Be intentional about carving out time for each other – make time on purpose.
• Keep your finger on the pulse of your marriage (If the pulse is weak, pay attention!)
• Learn to speak each other’s love language.  (My husband responds best to me when I speak love in the language he understands best, and love it when he speaks to me in my love language!)

Marriage is a precious relationship – and we’re in it, for better or worse.

But never, never for granted.

Blessings on your marriage, busy mom!
heidi

Remember that old Johnny Lee  song “Looking For Love?”  It’s from a just-as-old movie called “Urban Cowboy” from what I’ve been told.  :)

I don’t think I’ve heard that song in years but for some reason as I was loading the van to hit the road to Spartanburg this morning, it was playing in my mind. Maybe you’ll recognize the lyrics:

I thought it was funny …

I was looking for love in all the wrong places
Looking for love in too many faces (grumpy, tired faces this morning)
Searching thier eyes looking for traces (any hint, really)
What I’m dreaming of

So here’s what I was dreaming of …

• cooperation
• good attitudes
• the breakfast genie to show up
• a little less pollen
• ____ fill in the blank

I was looking for joy in all the wrong places  Or the  illusion of joy anyway.  :)

And then I remembered–the devil likes to lie about stuff.  He lies about joy.

He’ll tell you money will make you happy. But it won’t.  And it’s not the money, it’s the pursuit of it.  Because joy, true JOY, is not found in power, passion or possessions.  Or even in my kids obeying with a smile on their face.

(But that would have been extra-great this morning.)

It’s found in a personal relationship with God.

Satisfaction is found in the Lord and in His Word.

Joy will never be found under the sun … but above it … where God is. 

Today, busy mom, let’s keep our joy in plain sight. Let’s fix our eyes on Jesus, and run the race that’s set before us with the joy that comes  from following Jesus.

Remember those trees that are “firmly planted?”  They’re rooted in Christ!

Lean into Him while you do laundry for the millionth time.  Talk to Him about your kids. Ask Him to show you how to love your husband.

He has something to say to you.

Looking for joy? He’ll show you where to find it. And where joy is, strength is.

“The joy of the Lord is your strength.” Nehemiah 8:10b

Have you been blessed?  Does it show?

Here are twenty things you can do RIGHT NOW to SHOW how much you love others

1. Love your husband – in the way he loves your to love him best
2. Squeeze those kids tight, be silly with them
3. Laugh
4. Take a walk
5. See the best in others – and tell them what that “best” is
6. Praise the LORD – every good and perfect thing is from Him
7. Plan a date, even if it’s in your own living room
8. Do something “off” your routine
9. Go to the library
10. Get ice cream
11. Call your mom
12. Take a drive
13. Eat animal crackers with your kids
14. Take your daughter /son out for coffee … just the two of you
15. Plan a special night with your husband, think about it all day
16. Take time to look your child in the eye … and tell him all the reasons you love him
17. Same thing with your husband
18. Stretch
19. LAUGH some more
20. Play a game

Today will never come again.  Enjoy what you’ve been given.

If you’re happy and you know it … let it show!

Seven minutes. That’s all the time I had this morning before the kids came in. Yesterday was so full of surprises that I didn’t get to writing until about 8:30pm – so naturally, I overslept this morning. The kids of course, decided that today was a good day to get get up 45 minutes early.  I’m not sure why, but the little ones in our house wake up full of WORDS and the big kids … well it’s hard to get them out of bed, let alone get many words out of them before 8:30 a.m.

Funny that the two-year old is bright eyed and bushy tailed. She has a list of things she wants me to do already.  Starting with … well you know the drill.  ”I just needed a half an hour more!”, I thought to myself.  I’m not ready to be a mom yet!

It’s amazing that before 7:00 a.m. I have already had the chance to grouchy and irritable – or full of grace and love.

It’s a good thing God gets it.

 ”Morning by morning, O Lord, You hear my voice; morning by morning I lay my requests before you … and wait in expectation.” Psalm 5:3

You know, the more I learn about God, the more I think that He is a morning person. And I think it’s because God knows that we need His strength, wisdom and joy … first thing in the morning … to make it through any given day.

We just never know what a day will bring. But God does.

Lay your requests before the Lord this morning, busy mom. Even if you only have seven minutes to do it in. Make those first precious minutes count by driving your spiritual “car” through God’s gas station. Fill up with His words. Ask Him for His help.

He’ll give you what you need for today.

He’s good like that.

Got Roots?

Not the “grow out” roots you get from an overdue visit with your hair stylist.  The other kind.

The roots I’m picturing belong to the tree that is described in Psalm 1. When talking about what the righteous look like, David said this:

They are like trees planted along the riverbank,
    bearing fruit each season.
Their leaves never wither,
    and they prosper in all they do.

Psalm 1:1-3

Can you picture those trees? They are strong. Their roots run deep. They’re anchored in rich soil. They’ve been carefully nurtured.

How?  Well by a specialist, of course. An arborist, to be exact.

So what is an arborist?

Dictionary.com says this:

ar·bor·ist

See if this describes your job as a busy mom:

Cultivation and care of your child— check!
Requires some heart surgery—mostly the “inner” kind—check!
Demands a diagnosis from time to time—and treatment too—check!
Preventative in nature—check!
Pest control?  You know it!

Yep. I thought so. You’re an arborist.

If you’ve got kids, you’re an arborist. Only you’re tending to the eternal, not the temporal. You’re impacting the future, one tiny trim and watering at a time.

I’ve been privileged to watch some amazing aborists in my time. And guess what? They didn’t do everything right.  But I’ll say this: they were intentional about caring for their little saplings. The best arborists are trees too, you know, and they have learned to bend so that they don’t break.  They haven’t over-watered their young trees with the language of legalism. Instead, they cover their young with grace—and the occasional, necessary pruning.

Strong kids almost always have this in common: they’ve been patiently, tenderly, intentionally nurtured over time by parents who take their job seriously.

These parents—these tree-whisperers—are doing what is arguably the most important job on the earth: they are raising the next generation.

The world we live in is challenging. It’s easy for young saplings to get torn out by their roots when cultural winds blow.

And the winds are sure blowing now, aren’t they?

But strong trees—trees that are rooted deep in the rich soil of God’s truth and grace— are not blown about by the winds that surround them.

As a mother, it is comforting to know that God cares deeply, even more than I, about our young orchard. I don’t have to worry about what to teach our children about truth—since truth does not change. God has spoken to the really important matters already. He has told us how to love—and He has shown us how to love. We must love in spirit and in truth.

Is it tough?  Does in rain in Washington?

I’m learning — sometimes the hard way — that I can be an intentional arborist without having it all together also. I don’t have to have every answer.  But I must be willing and I must be rooted. Willing to put in the long hours, and willing to tend to my own root system: my marriage, my own relationship with God and my relationships with others.  After all, strong roots—strong mother.

So what does it look like to be an intentional arborist?
Here are three ways you can become a better, more intentional arborist.

• Get rooted yourself.
  You’ll need fertilizer. God’s Word is the best there is!
  Strong roots=strong mama. You can’t be like that tree in Psalm 1 if you’re not rooted first in the soil of the Bible. Spend time with the Lord each day. I like to read just a chapter each day in the Psalms and this year, I’m going through the New Testament. Don’t know where to start? Try the book of Philippians. You can’t go wrong.
• Get praying.
  Need wisdom?  I sure do!  Seems like each one of our seven children needed an entirely new set of instructions! Cookie-cutter parenting simply doesn’t work. Ask God specifically for the needs of your children. Name them. God made and designed them, so it makes sense that He would know what each child needs. Even that strong-willed child.  Yeah. That one might require some extra prayer.  I know my poor mother had her hands full with me!  ”Lord, help me shape this strong will for YOUR GLORY!”
• Get the BIGGER picture.
  Boy, is it hard to see past tantrums, late nights, long conversations, repeated instruction, consistent discipline, failure, disappointment.  (And I’m just talking about my own issues here!) Goodness knows we’ve got to see the WHY or we can easily get lost in the oh-so-daily tasks of parenting. Mom, you are doing an amazing job.  The impact of your intentional parenting will last long after the last load of laundry has been run through and you’ve watched your child begin to put down new roots on his own.

  What we’re doing today will impact our grandchildren.  I wonder … what kind of a root system will they inherit from this generation of arborists?

  The impact of your intentional parenting will last long after the last load of laundry has been run through and you’ve watched your child begin to put down new roots on his own.

The work you do now will yield a harvest of joy if you hang in there. Plant tenderly.  Sow with love. Plant with the harvest in mind.

The harvest is coming, busy mom. As I watch my adult children interact with my little ones, I am reminded of how fast the years go.  Indeed, the days can be long, but the years go by fast.

Know what I mean?

You sure look cute in those arborist overalls, by the way.

They suit you.

The St. Johns are the publishers and co-authors of Firmly Planted, a Bible study for the entire family.  Check it out here.

Oops. I did it again.

I didn’t mean it—never mind.

Yes, I did.

I knew when I vague-booked that little “hint” that so-and-so would eventually get it. And secretly, I hoped it would be sooner rather than later. I wanted her to know she hurt me. Secretly, I wanted to wound her back.  I knew that if I called her out by name online I’d be fouled on a technicality—because that would clearly be wrong—so I did what any reasonable, mature, spirit-filled woman would do: I hinted about it on Facebook.  Just a short statement. It looked innocent on the outside, yet truthfully it was anything but innocent.

As you can probably guess,  it backfired.

And it created more drama for me than the drama I have every day simply by virtue of the fact that I have seven children. Trust me when I say that just having the seven children can generate enough drama in a day to seriously cripple most human beings. No kidding.

But for some reason, I just had to add another layer of drama. *sigh*  Why?

For all the “keep it simple, sweetie” talk and all our good intentions to say we want to be examples for our children, we’re allowing the Internet to tempt us into exposing an ugly side of ourselves. It’s true. Have you seen it too?

Now let me be clear: I love Facebook. I love blogging. But it has an ugly side: The Internet has provided a new generation with the opportunity to practice a brand new form of passive/aggressive behavior—simply using vague, online hints.  See if any of these sound familiar:

I need prayer. People are just so unkind.

I am asking the Lord to help me have a forgiving heart.

Hurt and frustrated, but moving on.

Seriously, people?

I need prayer to deal with a “situation”.

It’s embarrassing to admit, but I’m pretty sure I’ve used all of these statements at one time or another in the past several years. And I see them floating around on other pages every day.

I have to ask myself, “What makes me different?”  Am I doing what I know is right?

1 Thessalonians 5:11
Therefore encourage one another and build each other up.

Are you tired of the drama? Me too, and here’s the thing: We need to stop this behavior. Or at the very least, we need to recognize we’re behaving badly by our little online jabs and begin to change our tone  Why? Because it’s not solving anything. And it’s robbing us of peace.

Well, and it’s making us look like bratty children who can’t get along. Yeah. That too.

If you’re surrounded by or creating drama of your own, I get it.  I’m a recovering drama mama myself. Here are five ways to help you just say NO to drama:

1. Listen. We need to become better listeners. Especially to that “still small voice” that we hear while we’re writing those drama-inviting posts. You know, that voice. It’s the voice we usually hear but choose to ignore.
2. Prefer others. This means that we consider the preciousness of the relationships around us, including—but not limited to—the person we’re hoping will see that “vague” post we wrote. In the same way we don’t need unnecessary drama, our friends who have no idea what in the world we’re talking about don’t need it either.
   
3. Stop trespassing. Sounds simple—but when you’re prone to trespassing (in other words, injecting yourself into a situation that you have no business being in) you literally invite drama. So, when you see a vague post, don’t reply. Don’t add fuel to the fire. Or, if you feel the need to reply, do it privately.
4. Be quiet. Do you remember “Stop, Drop and Roll?” This simple saying was taught to me when I was very young as a way to remember how to escape a house fire.  The next time you are tempted to invite drama into your life, try this: “Stop, Drop IT, Roll on outta there”  :)
5. Be intentional in your relationships.  Proverbs 15:1 says, “A gentle answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger.”  BOY. Ain’t that the truth.  Let me just add, a “vague” word stirs up anger, too.  If you feel the need to be vague because you are upset with someone, you probably shouldn’t be talking about it at all.  And putting things like “I can’t believe some people” on Facebook—well, that’s not getting us anywhere.

Of course, there are many ways outside of the Internet that we can invite, stir up or even cause hurtful, unnecessary drama in our lives. Even good things can go bad if we’re not careful: prayer groups (where gossip is justified), moms groups… well, you can add your own.  You know what I mean.

Bottom line: No Drama, Mama!  If your heart races when you see a post on Facebook or on another Internet site,

STOP. DROP {it}. ROLL {on outta there}.

If you need to address something that should be private, do it privately. If you’ve been hurt, don’t put it on the Internet. Just say “no” to vague-booking. Season your speech with grace. And if you are in a relationship that continually pulls you into more drama, it might be time to consider putting healthy boundaries on that relationship.

While we will never be able to be totally drama-free, we sure can eliminate a lot of it by being intentional about our relationships.

As mothers, we have an opportunity to show our children how to be “drama-free” in their own lives by demonstrating how to do it. What a gift we could give them.

You can do it, busy mom!

I’m committing to being a “No Drama Mama.”  How about you?

Pardon my dust. I’m creating a drama-free zone.
Heidi

Good morning busy moms! You’ve made it to Wednesday! *Elmo says: “I’m proud of you!* Today, I feel like the Little Engine that Could Can you relate?

I’ve been thinking about something lately, and here’s the deal: I’m not gonna lie to you (I’m no good at it anyway.)

I know many wish that there was a formula for homeschooling or parenting that would produce the perfect result.

There isn’t.

There’s only faith.

I read yet another blog post yesterday from a young woman who grew up in a harsh environment and now blames her parents. And I don’t know, maybe they were to blame.

But my hunch is that they were just two people who really did want to be the best parents they could be. My hunch is that that desire drew them into a formulaic style of parenting that was rigid and un-yeilding. Unfortunately, more often than not, it does not yield the desired “result”. It often produces rebellion and ends up tearing at the parent/child relationship instead of undergirding it.

Faith is harder than formula-it requires a daily surrendering of both my spirit and my will. It also forces me to look at my own weaknesses as a human being. When I hold those up to the light-well, let’s just say it gives me more grace for my children as I help them navigate the sometimes choppy waters of this world.

No great speaker or author is going to be able to give you ANY piece of advice that can replace the voice of the Spirit in your life. Listen for God’s voice today, busy mom.

And if you’re looking for a place to start, try the Bible.

Colossians 3:12 says, “Therefore, as God’s chosen people, holy and dearly loved, clothe yourselves with compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness and patience.”

There may not be a formula-and that’s okay. We don’t need one, because we’ve got God’s word to guide and direct us.

Let’s pray for each other as we love our husbands and our children. Let’s pray that we might be kind, humble and gentle.

I’d say pray for patience too… but then I’d be signing up for a test of my patience so I’ll just leave that one “implied.”

But I will pray for JOY today.  The kind that will help my children see how much I love them and how much I enJOY having them in our home.

I hope our kids remember that even though we didn’t get it all right, we sure loved them like crazy.

At the end of the day-it won’t be the bookwork or the math problems that will determine whether or not we get a passing grade on our parenting. It will be our relationships that determine what those end marks will be.

I choose joy.

all photos copyrighted by Sierra St. John

Several years ago, I overheard a “celebrity” being interviewed on TV as I prepared dinner for our family.  The questions seemed to center on her public life, and then, one question got my attention.

“If you could only say one thing to young mothers who are raising their children, what would it be?” asked the reporter.  The woman thought for just a moment and replied, “Life is not a dress-rehearsal.  You only get one shot at raising your kids.  Don’t mess it up.”

Her voice cracked slightly, and I heard the familiar sound of missed opportunity in her tone. I wondered why.  By all appearances, she had the “perfect” life. Beautiful children, lots of money, handsome husband. I put down my paring knife to focus on the remainder of her short interview.  It turned out that she was estranged from two of her children.  She lamented the fact that while she was raising her children, she and her husband spent so much time cultivating a “perfect” family, that they did not develop a relationships with their children that would last.  It only looked good on the outside.   And now, it was too late to start over.  The time for raising her children had passed.  She could only warn other mothers not to walk down the same path she had gone down.

The time for sowing seed had passed.  The harvest was in.

It is hard to hear those kinds of words.  My heart hurt for this mom.  Naturally, I thought of my own children.  Our oldest, who is now married and expecting her own child this fall was nearly 16 at the time—and even then, it seemed that it was just yesterday when we were holding her in our arms, in awe of her perfect features and scared to death that we wouldn’t do everything “just right”.  I thought of my grandmother, who remarked to me just a few months after grand-daddy died that she was amazed at how fast her life had gone by.

Grandma said to me, “Heidi, the best thing you will ever do in this life is to love your husband and to raise your children to love and serve the Lord.  Don’t let the world fool you into thinking that having children is anything less than the best thing you’ll ever do.”   How I miss this precious lady! She was so wise.

I recently spoke to a group of women in Washington about the blessing of motherhood.  It seems odd to me that many Christians have bought into the world’s way of looking at children. It must grieve the heart of God when we think of our children as anything less than a gift straight from the heart of the Creator Himself.

The Bible is full of stories of amazing moms who understood their worth before the Father.  God’s word stresses the importance of mothers!  In Exodus 2 we read about Jochebed, the mother of Moses.  She protected her son, even putting her own life in peril, and then entrusted him to the Lord.  Eunice, the mother of Timothy, instructed her son in the knowledge of the scriptures and he went on to have an incredible impact for the kingdom as part of Paul’s ministry. Read the books of Timothy and you will see Paul reference Timothy’s grandmother, Lois and his mother, too.  They must have been amazing women!

In the United States today, mothers are under enormous pressure to conform to the world’s view of children.  Radical Feminism has devalued motherhood in a quest for “greater meaning” and “true identity”. But God sees things much differently.

The world says: “Children are a burden.”
God says, “Children are a blessing.”

The world says, “Try not to have more than two or three children. ”
God says, “Blessed is the man who has many children!”

The world says, “Children get in the way.”
Jesus said, “Let the little children come to ME.”

The world has diminished the high-calling of motherhood to little more than a “stop-over” on the highway of life.

But God says that a wife of strong character is rare – she is worth far more than jewels!  (Prov. 31.10)

If you are a mother, you have an amazing opportunity every day to shape the future. As a homeschooling mom, you have even more time to influence the lives of your precious children.  Homeschooling provides endless opportunities to teach your children about God’s love for them!  Mom, your job is so important!  You have been given the privilege of weaving a fabric of family life using the truth of God’s word to impact the lives of your children…

Ultimately, this fabric will be a beautiful tapestry that will bear witness to the power and love of the Lord Jesus as your children walk with the One who created them in your womb.

I’m glad I was reminded of the fact that life is not a dress-rehearsal.  I’m thankful that my grandmother loved the fact that Jay and I chose to have a family that doesn’t fit the “worlds” mold very easily.  The time does pass quickly.   Let’s redeem the time God has given us to influence these precious children for the Glory of God.  It’s an investment that yields a harvest of joy that will continue into eternity.

If you’ve been hanging around my blog for a while, then you know that I am a follower of Jesus. I am here to bear witness to the healing power and awesome forgiveness of Jesus. I am also a woman who has been set free—and I don’t care who knows it. I was lost—and now I’m found… blind, and now I see!  I’m a new creation in Christ! It makes me want to shout and sing!

Some of you may have read a post I wrote some time ago, called “Broken.” I take such comfort in knowing that God thinks my “broken” is actually beautiful. It means I don’t have to have it all together. And it means that I can learn to love broken people like me.  Amy Grant once said, “Hard times come—and they’ll come til’ we’re done.”  Wise words.

Being in Christ doesn’t mean I don’t have bad days though. Jesus said, “In this world you will have trouble!” Bummer. I don’t get a “pass” on suffering. But. Because I trust the Lord, and because I’ve experienced His faithfulness, I see a greater purpose in suffering. I’m learning to trust Him more every day, even when I don’t understand— I trust. ♥ This morning, I was reading in Psalms and one little verse popped out at me:

“God is present in the company of the righteous.” (Ps. 14)

I love that. God is present. He’s here! He listens. And He loves us.

In another Psalm (Ps 46), we read that God is our refuge and strength, an ever-present help in trouble.

Again—EVER present. God doesn’t sleep. He doesn’t get tired of us. He longs for an intimate relationship with us, because HE created us. He cares about the smallest detail—right down to our homeschooling and our marriages.

If you’ve experienced the healing power and forgiveness of Jesus, then you’ve got something to celebrate, no matter what life throws at you.  Even those two-year-old tempter tantrums become an exercise in grace, when we remember that God is present. It means that you can see your children through the eyes of grace.

Because once we’ve been forgiven—we forgive.

You’ve got a reason to to lace up your running shoes and run the race that’s been set before you today with endurance. Why? Because God’s running with you. He’s the best running partner ever. His yoke is easy and His burden is light. That means that before we take on someone else’s expectation today, we need to ask the Lord what His expectation is. Are you listening, busy mom?

God is.