When You Can’t Be the Mom You Want to Be

There are dinner dishes from yesterday still on the counter.  My daughter’s laundry hasn’t been put away in weeks.  The 2 year old’s clothes I started sorting weeks ago?  Still in a basket in his closet.  My husband wakes up early to settle all the kids through breakfast before he goes to work, and comes home to pick up the pieces I’ve dropped throughout the day.  You see, I am 29 weeks pregnant with our fourth baby, and have been on partial bedrest for the last 4 weeks with quite a few more to go.  And so many days are the same.  There is just so much I cannot do.  I want to.  I long to fulfill my typical role.  But for now, I just cannot do it all.

Sound at all familiar to you?  Perhaps your circumstances are different.  Maybe you’ve had a death in the family, or an extended season of frequent sickness.  Maybe you’ve recently moved, or are preparing to.  Any number of situations could put you in a similar spot!  I don’t know about you, but if I let myself, I feel so.easily.defeated in these times.

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Last night I was awake having contractions and my typical pregnancy insomnia.  My mind was swirling with thoughts of all the ways in which it feels like I am failing my family.  All the different ways my husband and children are having to pick up the pieces that I have left scattered all around.  In the midst of my defeat, the Lord was so kind and gracious to keep bringing the word “joy” to my mind.  I love when He does that.  I woke this morning praying for a different day.  For joy in the midst of these circumstances that are different than I would choose right now.  As I prayed, I realized that while there are many things right now that I cannot do, there are things I can do!  I can pray for His grace to cover our family and carry us through these days.  I can choose to have an attitude towards my children and interactions with them and my husband that are honoring to Him and helpful for their hearts!

In my house today, this meant that instead of doing a more involved science experiment that I just wasn’t up for, my kids helped me scoop ingredients for dry mix bags of baked oatmeal.  It means that when I started contracting again after 15 minutes of folding clothes on my girlie’s floor while she cleaned, we all stopped, and moved on to playing and snacks.  Because her room being clean is just NOT the most important thing right now.  Sure, I could have stayed there, pushing myself physically, or snapping at her to keep cleaning and making us all miserable.  But nothing about that is helpful or encouraging for any of us.  Believe me, there are plenty of times when I don’t take it in stride.  When I live in frustration and discouragement over what isn’t happening or what I can’t do, I make my entire family miserable in the process.

There are days where tasks must be accomplished – when I have to push through the attitude, or my own exhaustion, or any number of things to get the house cleaned before Bible study, or get a full solid day of school in after a week of sickness.  But right now, in the midst of this season?  I don’t have to, and in fact, it is better if I don’t try to.  Because for these weeks and likely a few months, life just looks different.  It looks like snuggles, books,  naps,  movies, and more electronic time than I prefer.  And IT IS OKAY!  It will not always be this way, but for now, my goal is to relish this time for what it is, to enjoy puzzles and games and books, and to let my attitude about our circumstances not make this any harder than it is already.

What about you, mamas?  Are you in a season where every day requires you to take it in stride?  It is hard, but so worth it, to rest in what He has for us, even in times where we just don’t feel like we are doing all we should.  He gives grace and peace for these days, and will help us see His plans if we only ask.

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About Kjirstin Cole

Kjirstin is grateful to be known and loved by the God who knows all her good and bad. She spends her days with 3 littles and has been married to the man of her dreams for 9 years. New to the homeschooling world this year, she is truly enjoying teaching her kindergarten age son. When she isn't home with her littles, she loves to be with friends and family, and a good adventure always makes her day! She's worked in her dream job as a NICU nurse for 9 years. Kjirstin keeps track of family memories, reminders of HIS grace and care in the every day at Anything But Mundane.

4 thoughts on “When You Can’t Be the Mom You Want to Be

  1. Sarah

    I enjoyed reading this post. Thank you for sharing!

    For as long as I can remember, I have always strived to do everything even if I was exhausted and needed a break. Now, with being a Wife and Mom of three (4, 2, and 7 months), I find myself feeling that I have to be an expert at everything or else people will think I am a horrible person, Mom, wife, etc.

    My relationship with God has been growing deeper recently and I find myself not caring as much if I am not perfect or if I am not able to do everything. God has been showing me lately that I need to just have the relationship with him and focus on taking care of my husband and kids. He has shown me this by allowing me to get a crazy eczema rash that was so itchy beyond belief (I could barely think straight, let alone do my normal routine around the house) and then our family all got sick (and it is taking about three weeks to go through everyone). I know God has been reaching me to just relax during this time and spend time with my husband and kids. So what if all the chores don’t get done? What is more important: the chores or spending quality time with each other (and ultimately doing what He wants me to do)?

    What has helped me with my struggle with being “perfect” at everything is disconnecting my facebook account. Facebook can be a great thing, but I found it not to be good for myself. It made me feel like I was a failure because I couldn’t keep up with what everyone else was doing.

    Reading God’s word, praying, and spending time as a family has greatly changed my attitude in life.

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  2. Jennifer

    Thanks for this article. I have five kids and have been fighting the fatigue of mono for over a month now. I definitely feel like I am not doing enough most days. I am so thankful for my church body, which has brought me numerous meals, and my homeschool community, which has helped with watching kids and laundry. I have found that I benefit from humbling myself and asking for (and accepting) help. I tend to think that I should do it all, and I feel like having help makes me somehow “less”, but that is not the case. This is definitely a season for letting go of my pride and realizing how blessed I am.

    Reply
  3. Michelle

    I needed this today. I am recovering from a mastectomy after receiving a diagnosis of stage 2 breast cancer at the end of April. My school year began last fall with my dad’s death and ended with my diagnosis. We are military and were supposed to move to our new duty station in September. But my diagnosis has changed everything. Our summer isn’t looking anything like I had planned and I have cried tears of disappointment. But I also know that in God’s providence, we are where we are supposed to be and my prayer is that I will live this well. I want to be drawn closer to Him and I want my family to see Him in ways we had never imagined.

    Reply
  4. Latista

    I just want to say that reading your post was like reading my very own life at the moment, only this is baby #6 for our family..my husband has been so helpful in doing the chores that I normally handle as well as his part. School has been hard as well, but like you, I’m reminded that it is only for a season. For all the comments that I have read prior to mine, about sickness, and fatigue. I want you to know that you are Loved, never alone and prayed for. I pray for complete healing and restoration for all of you. Blessings to you all❤❤

    Reply

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