How to Spoil Your Child in Five Easy Steps

spoil_child

Twenty five years ago, I had a lot of theories about parenting. You know—because I was a kid once. Boom. Qualified.

Yeah.

Don’t judge.

These days, I have a lot more grace for new parents. Having raised two of our seven to adulthood, I have to say, I died on a lot of hills that really didn’t need to see a battle at all. I dug my heels in over stupid things like whether or not my children could watch Pokemon. True story. Moral? There really are things that we can fixate on that won’t matter much in the end.

Flipside? There are also things that definitely WILL matter. Mark my words. We’re living in a culture of over-indulgence. As parents, we’ve been duped into believing that our kids “need” a whole bunch of stuff that they don’t need at all. So if you want to spoil your kids, start here:

  1. Make sure they have an iPad or a smart tablet. At the very least, give your kid a cell phone. After all, these things are important. Think of the apps they’ll miss out on and games they could be playing. Eight year olds need tablets and laptops. Kids are noisy. This is a great way to keep them out of our hair. Besides, it’s dangerous outside. And boring too. The kids told me so just last week.

    Since when did “wants” become “needs?” Since we let it, that’s when. I’m not sure when we decided that childhood required all the trappings of adult life—but if our kids are watching our example, we might be in all kinds of trouble in this area. I get the importance of being able to contact a child at school, etc., but they don’t need a “smart” phone—a simple dumb phone will do. Data plans are expensive. If you kids can’t pay for a data plan, don’t give them one. And that brings me to my next point…

  2. Pay allowance to your kids for simply being alive. Kids need money in order to learn how to spend it wisely. Besides, they only get one shot at being a kid. Make it as carefree as possible.

    Children need to learn to work. Giving a child responsibilities and chores says two things right off the bat: “You’re a valuable part of this family” and “The world doesn’t revolve around you.”  Parents don’t need to give their kids money for the sake of doing it. When was the last time you got money just for being alive? We don’t help our kids by giving them allowance for doing nothing. We enable them and teach them to live dependent on others rather than teaching them that there is reward found in working for what they have. Look around you. Watch the news. This mentality is not working for our nation, and it won’t work for our kids.

  3. Buy their clothes new. Thrift store clothes are for “other kids.” Who cares if they’ll grow out of that new pair of pants in three months? It’s your job to make sure your kids have the best of everything, and clothes are an important part of a child’s developing identity…right?

    I grew up in a houseful of seven kids. Hand-me-downs were a way of life for us—and it’s become a way of life for my children, too. Don’t misunderstand: I’m not against buying new things once-in-a-while. But most families simply can’t afford to fit every growth spurt with a new pair of Levi’s. Taking your kids thrift-store and consignment store shopping not only teaches them to be wise stewards later in life, it offers a healthy lesson in humility. (Besides, you’ll save a lot of money, too.)

  4. Forgo opportunities to help others on a consistent basis. Our kids don’t need to be “exposed” to homeless shelters and soup lines. The church pays for a janitor, so I don’t need to volunteer our time to tidy up the place… and if that single mom can’t afford to pay her babysitter, well, it’s her problem, right?

    Wrong. It’s our job as parents to lift our kid’s eyes up so they can see beyond their own circumstances. Helping others develops empathy in our children—something that video games can never do. When we take our children on mission trips, encourage them to volunteer in the nursery and help them pick out toys for less fortunate kids during the holidays, we’re telling them that they’re part of a bigger picture.

  5. Don’t require respect from your children. It’s okay if they don’t answer when you speak to them. Asking kids to make eye contact and speak respectfully to adults sends a message that adults know more than kids. Don’t worry if they’re rude to their teacher or other adults. Using “Mr.” and “Mrs.” is old-fashioned, and so is asking the adult what they would like to be called. Forgetaboutit. (said in my best NY accent.)

    This might be the one of the biggest issues we face as parents in this culture. Children who are not taught to respect authority or treat adults with respect miss two important milestones on their journey toward adulthood:  They miss the benefit of recognizing that they are in a season of learning to be worthy of respect themselves, and they miss the opportunity to practice humility. Sure there are many adults who are not worthy of respect, but that’s not the point. If we allow our children to be disrespectful to us as parents, they will not have respect for anyone. That’s a fact.

Hey. I’m not trying to sound like a mean mom—I love my kids to the moon and back. But I worry for our future as a nation when I see children who are overindulged and self-important. It’s becoming more and more rare to see a child disciplined for speaking disrespectfully to an adult or show up to an event sans smartphone. If we want a culture of self-absorbed, selfish and myopic adults, we’re well on our way unless we start to see those “old fashioned” values as timeless instead.

Be the parent. Your kids will thank you for it.
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Heidi St John Firmly Planted Family Devotional For All Ages

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About Heidi St. John

Heidi has been married to her husband Jay since 1989. Together they have seven children and three grandchildren! The St. Johns homeschooled their kids all the way through high school. Heidi is the the author of seven books, host of the popular podcast "Off the Bench," and the founder of MomStrong International, an online community of women learning God's Word and how to apply it to every day life. She and her husband Jay are also the founders of Firmly Planted Family and the Firmly Planted Homeschool Resource Center, located in Vancouver, Washington.

20 thoughts on “How to Spoil Your Child in Five Easy Steps

  1. Noelle

    My husband and I say (we heard it somewhere) I use to have 7 theories about raising kids and no kids…..now I have 7 kids and no theories! Great post we are the same kind of thrift store shopping, no cell phone, show respect, serve others and work for money kind of parents!

    Reply
  2. Dee

    Levis? Levis are for losers, lady. You better be buying JUSTICE jeans at forty bucks a pop or you’re a bad mom. They can have them in our house – but they’re paying half. And you’d be ASTOUNDED at how quickly walmart jeans start to be absolutely perfect along with lots of other “off-brands” in their price range. Amazing.

    Reply
  3. Jenn

    This post was truly a blessing. It convicted me so deeply. Perhaps this is what the Bible means when it says older (more mature adn wiser) women should instruct younger women?

    Reply
  4. Godly Indian Mom

    Great Post as always.I have one question though,this is kind of my fear,although i m not sure if this is valid,please let me know your thoughts on this.

    1.I worry about clothes from thrift-store and consignment store ,my fear is if we could contract skin diseases from previous owners?
    Again this is just my question.

    Please flag abusive comments.

    Reply
    1. Heidi Post author

      Hello! Welcome to the The Busy Mom. You know, I get your question—and here’s what we do when we get clothes from garage sales or second-hand stores. We take tags off, and we wash them. I’ve been doing this my whole life and have never had an issue. 🙂 I would not worry about this one bit. Don’t worry, be thrifty!

      Reply
    2. Lisa

      What would be the difference between bringing the clothes from the consignment or thrift store home and washing and then wearing them or bringing home “new” clothes that other people have tried on (or even worn and returned)? My three kids have been raised on thrift shop clothes and we have never given a second thought to “catching” anything but a good deal!

      Reply
      1. Maggie

        A good wash should welcome ANYTHING into your home – even (more so) store bought items manufactured in other countries. They don’t have the same standards that we have here in the US and could introduce nasties like bedbugs! Wash and dry new or gently-used that enter your home 🙂

        Reply
  5. Brittany

    This truly inspired me to raise my little one with these ideas. My daughter isn’t even 2 yet and is already nuts about the Ipad and smart phones. It drives me nuts to see her playing with something so expensive. I also agree with the allowance thing, I wasn’t really raised with an “allowance” but my parents never bought needlessly for me either. I got my first phone when I was 15, a motorola flip phone and had it till I turned 18. Kids these days just get things handed to them, and really have no respect for others. Whatever happened to punishing them for being bad? I used to get grounded and butt whoopings and I think I’ve turned out better as an adult because I was disciplined. Parents think it’s so wrong to put a hand on their child but if my daughter deserves it, she’s gonna get it. I don’t think I’ll be a bad parent for doing so either, because I am just trying to teach her the rights and wrongs of life.

    Reply
    1. Heidi Post author

      Hi Brittany! As with anything—balance is key. You have the opportunity to nurture and shape your child’s heart, so be sure that your focus is there. Seek insight from the Lord into the heart of your child and into your own heart, too, and you’ll do just fine. 🙂 At the end of the day, you’ll find this season with your child will go by fast. Discipline and love must go hand-in-hand. Enjoy these precious years!

      Reply
      1. Brittany

        No doubt, I love every moment with my girl. Currently trying to teach her how to use the potty. Kids can be difficult to handle sometimes but when they smile at you and call you “mommy” it gets you right in the heart and makes all those hard times worth it.

        Reply
  6. Carolyn

    Amen, sister! You are singing my song! Sometimes I feel alone, like I’m the “mean” mom because I adhere to the principles you outlined. Especially the respect issue. Look adults in the eye, address them as Mr., Mrs., or Miss, use good manners and answer all adults respectfully. If you don’t teach them young what will happen in the teen years? Thanks for keeping it real, yet again!

    Reply
  7. Earle

    As I date a woman with a 9 year old. I agree with you and as a single mother she knows these are the patterns too. Our most difficult is to break them now that she does have support. it’s been a slow and process but is showing great results. Still with it’s ebb and flows and thank you.

    Reply
  8. Debbie

    loved this! Thank you! Totally validated how we are raising our kids. It’s uplifting to hear from people who share the same views.

    Reply
  9. Robin

    Love this! As a teacher & mom of 2, our kids have experienced this first hand. And despite them having to do without so often, my 15 yo just told me that she hopes she does as good a job with her own kids someday. So many of today’s children will be miserable as adults because they aren’t prepared for life being hard.

    Reply

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