Dear Tired Mom Who Wonders If All This Christmas Fuss is Worth It

We took the kids to look at Christmas lights tonight. Me, my sister, our husbands and our children. It was gonna be GREAT. I imagined a quiet stroll down Peacock Lane and pictures in front of the Grinch house. Yeah. It didn’t exactly go down like that.

I don’t know why, either. I used to go to Peacock lane with my grandparents when I was a kid. I remember it as nothing less than perfect.

I won’t lie to you. There was some sibling bickering in the car on the way there. A certain four-year old was bothering her brothers by singing Christmas carols … off key. Someone ate someone else’s candy cane. On and on it went. Someone was cold. Someone was hungry. Someone had to go potty.

The street we love to visit was crowded… BUT.  “We are MAKING MEMORIES!!” I told them—and so out we all piled. A few times along the way, we had to stop and take a head count. It wasn’t relaxing. Two of the kids told me they would rather be home. (Yeah. And I would rather be “here” with you, listening to you bicker when I could be home taking a well-deserved hot shower?)  But I digress.

Here’s the reason I’m telling you the WAY IT IS. This parenting thing you’re doing—it’s not going to be easy. I’ve been at it now for going on 24 years. In my 24 years of parenting, I can testify to the fact that there are precious few “picture perfect” moments of family life. As moms, we live and breathe for those moments. Someone please. Just tell us that it’s not for nothing. We just want to know that it’s working, this investment of time, love and energy we’re making.

We wonder why we’re trying so hard. Is all this fuss really worth it? Why are we making sugar cookies and watching “Miracle on 34th Street” for the fifteenth time? The kids don’t seem to appreciate it. Even my husband is doubting whether or not anyone cares.

Is it that important?

I’m here to tell you that it is.

One day, your children will appreciate the fact that you made them stand in front of that wooden Grinch cutout for a family picture. Not too long from now, they’ll understand the sacrifice you made so that they could have a few traditions to share with their own families. Blink, and your teens will be young adults who will cherish those pictures that  they argued with you about taking. I told myself that again tonight.

We need to let go of this idea that things have to be like something out of a Better Homes and Gardens layout. Your turkey doesn’t have to turn out just right and you don’t have to have a hundred presents under the tree. Your kids don’t need a bunch of presents that they won’t remember in a month and that you can’t afford—but they do need YOU.

Christmas comes just once a year. I say “make a fuss.” It’s the birth of our Savior. It’s worth the fuss. It’s a chance to get out from under our daily routine and be thankful. It’s a chance to give back.

In this Internet age, this age of screen time and Facebook, Christmas offers us a chance to step away. We can step away, look at some Christmas lights, watch a few old movies and while we’re doing it, we can assess where we’re going and what we’re sowing.

We are sowing, after all.

So yes. The fuss is worth it. You’re trying so hard because of love. Love builds something. Love imagines a memory five years from now and sees it as precious in the moment, too. Love says, “This matters.”

Real Christmas memories are made on nights like tonight.

Or at least, I keep telling myself that—no, my grown children remind me of what I need to know to keep going… the little ones, the tweens, the teens… they will get it.

Come to think of it, I have a hunch it was hard on my grandparents when they took us to see the lights on Peacock Lane. It’s just that I don’t remember the fuss. I only remember the feel of my hand in my grandmother’s gloves. I remember Grandpa telling me how hard it must be for Santa to get all the way up to some of those chimneys. I remember hot chocolate.

I bet we argued. I bet we spilled our hot chocolate. I bet my grandparents fell into bed and wondered if it was worth it.

So, when I think about them, yes. I believe it’s true.

The fuss—is worth it.

Merry Christmas, busy mom.

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About Heidi St. John

Heidi has been married to her husband Jay since 1989. Together they have seven children and three grandchildren! The St. Johns homeschooled their kids all the way through high school. Heidi is the the author of seven books, host of the popular podcast "Off the Bench," and the founder of MomStrong International, an online community of women learning God's Word and how to apply it to every day life. She and her husband Jay are also the founders of Firmly Planted Family and the Firmly Planted Homeschool Resource Center, located in Vancouver, Washington.

13 thoughts on “Dear Tired Mom Who Wonders If All This Christmas Fuss is Worth It

  1. Carolyn

    Thank you so much for writing this! Oh.My.Gosh. This was me tonight, only it wasn’t the kids with the bad attitude, it was me! I thought I had no time to go to our dear friends’ and walk around their lovely neighborhood. You know the ones where everyone’s house is lit up and festive? I needed to stay home and bake and wrap and write out another list. Or so I thought. I squelched my “Martha” attitude and went. Yep, we made a few memoris, and I’m so glad we did. I needed this reminder that it will be worth it someday. My own Mom is gone and she made Christmas very, very special every year. I want that for my kids. Thank you for your insight and encouragement and always keeping it real. Merry Christmas, Heidi.

    Reply
  2. Jeannette

    the holidays have been a bit tough this this first year without my Dad. I struggled through Thanksgiving and yes I wondered if it was all worth it. Then I sat down with my Grandson and read a book that went through all the ideals of a family Thanksgiving and it dawned on me that all that had happened for my family. My Grandmothers gave this gift to my generation and now it is a gift I give to mine. So Christmas is still tough, but I remember why I’m doing it!

    Reply
    1. Heidi Post author

      Jeanette, I had the same thought this morning and I added that to my post! Then I saw your comment. 🙂 This IS the point. Thank you for sharing! We are struggling through the first Christmas without my husband’s dad. ((hugs)) to you.

      Reply
  3. Haley

    I love you, sis! I’m so glad we took our time walking the street even when we felt rushed. Your post is exactly what I needed to feel encouraged and energized to sow more memories today. Thanks for the memory ((hugs)).

    Reply
  4. Carrie S

    We were making our memories at the Zoo Lights of Cincinnati last night followed by a dinner out that we can’t afford, but the kids were all starving and home was too far away and the lines at the zoo for even more disgusting and more expensive food were all too long. But, we tried, and I hope that they remember that we went, not that the lights weren’t all that great, but we took pictures of my 5 year old daughter in front of ALL the pink and purple lights at the zoo, that we did do a family dinner for 8 out (that doesn’t happen often), and Mommy held Daddy’s hand at the zoo and on the long car ride home!
    PS Heidi, if you see this, I always seem to get to your posts late and comment late, but I commented on your Christmas Books and Real Life Christmas and really hoped you’d see them (in all that free time you have 😉 )

    Reply
    1. Heidi Post author

      I totally relate, Carrie. I’ll look back at your Christmas book post. 🙂 Usually I see them all but I must have missed yours. I hope you have a restful few days! I plan on spending my break doing some therapeutic cleaning and trying to get the voices in my head to stop talking. haha! Have a wonderful New Year!

      Reply
  5. Jill Beran

    Heidi, the tears are falling. This is the question I’ve been wrestling with…for the last 7 days we’ve had sickness. So my time has been spent caring for my 5 sick kids and 1 sick husband. Things haven’t gotten done and now with a day to spare I wonder if we should even start. Is it worth it? Thank you for reminding me it is!!! And that it doesn’t have to be perfect. Truly these were words I needed. THANK YOU!! And MERRY CHRISTMAS!!! Blessings from Iowa, jill

    Reply
    1. Heidi Post author

      I’m so glad, Jill! Mothers need hugs from other moms, even if they are “virtual” hugs. 🙂 Blessings to you, and I hope you all feel better! We’re all fighting some sort of virus here too, so lots of grumpy, tired kids (and parents!) in my house. xoxo

      Reply
  6. Laura Gegerson

    This was a much needed article! I have tears running down my face as I think about all the ” traditions” and wondering if it really means anything to anyone else! Thank you so much for always sharing and being real. Merry Christmas!

    Reply
    1. Heidi Post author

      Thank you, Laura. I hope you had a wonderful Christmas. I was up late talking with our 21 yr old and she said, “I don’t remember arguing with my siblings like the little kids.” PROOF POSITIVE that they really don’t remember most of the hard things. They’ll see things through the eyes of a child and one day, they’ll understand. You’re doing great. xoxo

      Reply
  7. Karen

    I needed this today. I was just thinking of not even putting up the tree this year. My mother-in-law went to be with Jesus in May. Kids arguing, bickering etc. Just seems that there is no peace until bedtime. But this post reminded me of what’s important. I will bake those cookies and put up our tree. I wll make some memories even in the chaos. Merry Christmas!!!

    Reply

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