45 thoughts on “25 Ways to Stay Married for 25 Years

  1. Heidi,

    What a great article you have written. We are bombarded with so many foolish opposite opinions these days. Thanks for sharing great truth.

    My wife and I are on the journey and will hit 27 years this year.

    Thanks again,
    David

  2. I really love all 25 points, they are great. I must say though, that telling women who “allow” their husbands to look at porn are “broken in a hundred different ways”, is not only insulting it is so incredibly mean! Wow, what a harsh judgment.

    1. Hi Gienna, thanks for stopping by. It would appear that we disagree on how incredibly damaging porn is to women in general and to marriage in-particular. To me, the insult is the porn itself, and I see nothing mean or insulting about saying that women who live with the ghosts of this kind of thing are “broken.” As a woman who travels and speaks to thousands of other women regularly, I can tell you for a fact: this is the truth. Porn is bad for everyone. Period. I think you’ve camped on the word “allow” (though I don’t believe I wrote it) instead of thinking about the damage porn inflicts. I don’t mean “allow” as in the woman controls her husband, and treats him like a child; I mean it in the sense that we as wives should not sit idly by and allow anything as insidious as pornography enter the marriage.

      1. Yes, women who live with this are broken, but sometimes we do the best we can and our husbands still make choices we hate. So we lean in to Jesus and ask Him to love us. Pray for those in this place. It is a hard place, and I’ve been married over 25 years. It doesn’t get easier.

          1. I really enjoyed this article. I’ve been married for almost 18 years to a man who is addicted to porn. I love him so much, but it is horrible, and sometimes I don’t know how much longer I can bear it. Continuous cycles of trying to stop and then going back to it have left me utterly broken. I know our marriage could be so much more than it is if the porn were not a part of it.

          2. Jennifer, thank you for being so honest. I know there are many, many women who can relate to you. You’re right, it leaves a marriage struggling. Do you have help or support in your area? ((hugs)) heidi

  3. My husband and I just celebrated 12 years yesterday! Twelve years, 4 moves, 2 children and adopting 1, and we’re crazy about each other…as I listen to him snoring at the other end of the house right now, I realize how blessed we are.

  4. My dearest friend,

    Thanks for posting this reminder. You and Jay have been in my life since the beginning of my journey with Christ and have truly been mentors to me since then. I can attest to many of the points you presented above as being a middle aged lady when I married presented challenges that I could have never seen coming. The most important one for me is “Don’t Give up”… Bradley and I have never,never given up on each other and even after almost 10 years, we have to be reminded sometimes of what our vows were all about.

    ” A perfect marriage is just two imperfect people who refuse to give up on each other”.

    I love my husband to the moon and back and you and Jay have been an inspiration to us for many years…..

    It IS so worth it.

  5. And don’t bad mouth your husband to your friends. Yes, you will be frustrated with him at times but one can always find something good to say. Those times where women get together and bash their husbands are so bad for a marriage. Whenever women started that, I clammed up. When I got home I always told my man I was so glad I was married to MY husband and not any of theirs! Treat them with respect and they will love you for it!

  6. The first 25years of my marriage were celebrated with joy. After that my husband began to change and our marriage is a disaster at 50 years. The Lord is my husband and my defender. But there are days when I think I can’t go through one more day of rejection and lonlines. All my expectations are on The Lord.

    1. The same here, Sharon. After 45 yrs., it is not easy to love my husband when there is no closeness in our relationship. Without God & my good Christian friends, I would have probably given up.But I know that only Christ can change him, & I pray about it every day.
      Heidi had a lot of good points, though, in her summary.

  7. Very wise words. Your grandparents sound like mine. If grandpa would have lived they would have been married 65 years. My husband and I have his parents and grandparents to look up to for strong Godly marriages. Our first 15 years has had some worse times but we took our vows seriously that day. I love reading your writings! Thank you!

  8. A few years ago my girlfriend gave me an amazing piece of advice. Your vow is not just to the person you married. It is to God too. You are promising to your spouse that you are “I do(ing)” with and to God. You’re promising God you will do all this for the other person. He gave you this person. They are broken, imperfect, need loads of love attention and affection. You alone can not fill this vow. She said this helped her follow through in her marriage. She was sometimes ready to give up, leave, throw him out, you name it. Then she would remember she promised God she would love her husband. God never gives up on us and that would encourage her to continue to forgive, let go, and not give up.

    1. Beautiful, Juliet. Thank you for sharing. Marriage is a covenant relationship—the only of it’s kind on this earth. Vows, as part of that covenant then, are sacred and should be honored. I loved your friend’s perspective.

      1. enjoyed your insights i have just reached the 46 year mark who would have thought? As the romance changes, i have found that asking my husband to change is unfair looking at yourself is difficult, but being honest with yourself is the first move toward a better relationship: what am i doing to create the environment where …. is acceptable/ am i asking him/her to change without changing also? marriage is a partnership each person must change to grow When I have made changes for myself and us as a team, he/she must look at the change and make decisions as to whether or not this is a good thing. if the other refuses, then the commitment must be questioned and worked on. pointing fingers only causes bitterness. become who you want to be first

  9. Wise words of wisdom…interesting, educative, encouraging and a road map for the younger couple emulate.

    nice write up. keep up keeping up.

    Wishing you many more blissful years ahead.

  10. This is great, I got married on August 2nd 2014 so I am a new to this marriage thing, lol. But this is very thought provoking coming from a home where after 23 years of marriage my parents divorced. It was very hard for me to even think of marriage as an opption, as I put my whole self in what I do and strive not to fail. But God placed a wonderful man in my life 3 years ago and I said yes. It is so great to hear about couples truely keeping their vows, it gives me hope that It can be done. Thank you for the encouragement today!

    1. Hi Alyssa! You’re a newly-wed! Congratulations! My parents divorced after 23 years of marriage and I know the pain divorce inflicts on children. You CAN do this! Keep your eyes on the future and sow wisely. The investment you’re making will be worth it!

  11. Number 13.??? YES!!!!! We were married 15 years on Monday. Yes, there have been hard moments, but you fix what’s not working, and keep going, because love is a decision, not an emotion. Thank you for continually encouraging so many. May the Lord continue to bless you and yours.

  12. Reading posts like this is always so refreshing and encouraging to me, because you’re absolutely right, the culture has lied to us about so many things for so long, that we actually start to believe we’re wrong for not doing them! I especially agree with the no-porn statement. Sadly, far too many people find that behavior acceptable and even ‘normal’ in marriages (or in general, but that’s an entirely different topic), and completely ignore how degrading and separating it truly is. I feel that porn is just another of the enemy’s many tools to attack and destroy one of God’s most precious gifts to us: marriage. I believe that more people need to recognize such things as poisonous and damaging, and need to stand up and speak out against them. Thank you for having courage to do that. God bless you and your marriage!

  13. My wife and I are approaching 25 years in January and every point hits on the success of our marriage. I
    suspect, though, you may have written this for a more secular audience as I see a couple of very important things missing: keep God at the center of your marriage, pray for and with each other daily, read scripture together, and serve together. Thank you, though, for an otherwise spot-on and helpful post!

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