It Doesn’t Get Better Than This

everymother

It’s back to school time.  Time for school supplies and math books.  Time for meeting new teachers.  Time for ordering curriculum. Time for lists and lunch boxes, kleenex boxes and juice boxes.  A new season is here.

All those people who told me that it would go by fast—those irritating older people at the grocery store who told me to “enjoy it” while I tried to juggle a fussy toddler and keep my 4 yr old out of the bubble gum, those older moms at the library and in church who looked at my little ones with a longing in their eyes that I could not understand—they were right. 

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Seventeen years ago, I dropped my oldest off at preschool and bragged to my other mama friends about how I had three hours “to myself.”  I saw that time as freedom.  My time.

Well, seventeen years went by in a moment.  My oldest daughter is grown now. She’s got a family of her own.  And somehow, I see things a little differently.  Still, it’s hard, isn’t it?

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“Embrace it, Heidi,” I tell myself. Even though I know it’s going by fast, I complain. I have a bad attitude. I say things I shouldn’t. I apologize for the millionth time, and I try to do better.  I keep hearing all this talk about how “it gets better” once you put your youngest in school.  But you know what?  I’m realizing something in my middle-age.  It doesn’t get better than this. 

I read a mom’s back-to-school post the other day about how absolutely beside herself with joy  she was because she was “finally” able to drop her youngest off at Kindergarten. The house was all hers. FINALLY.  From the sounds of it, she couldn’t wait to be rid of the kids get her freedom back.

 

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Sierra and me 1994

 

Modern thinking tells moms that “it gets better” once all the kids are finally out of your hair.  If you can just hang on until your five year old goes to Kindergarten, you’ll have it made.  You’ll have your freedom back.

This message of “freedom” from the early years of motherhood troubles me. Why are we trying to rush moms through motherhood?  I wonder—what are we searching for?  What are we in such a hurry for?  What are we trying to be “free” from?

 

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Sierra is grown—2013

 

Now, I know I’m going to take some hits for this post, so in an effort to head the mad mamas off at the pass, let me just say:  I totally understand wanting and needing a break. I get it.  I want a break every day about 10:30 a.m. okay and 4:00 p.m., and 8:30 p.m., too. Go ahead.  Vent.  Kids can be, (who am I kidding, they ARE) challenging! And time-consuming. And frustrating.  Come to think of it, I’ve never met a mom who didn’t want five minutes to herself.  (Or five hours. Or five days.)

Just remember, busy mom, that one day, your kids will catch on to you as you rush them out the door.  They’ll read your blog or overhear you on the phone complaining about the frustrations of motherhood.  (That’s what happens to me.)

After twenty-two years, I’m finally seeing some things differently. I’m trying to appreciate (although not perfectly, I admit) the noise and demands of the children that I am still in the process of shepherding. The Sharpie on the wall. The teaching. The correcting. The exhaustion. The lack of “me” time. The noise.

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When I look in the eyes of my grown daughters and then glance at my little ones, I am given a very stark reminder of just how fast the time is going. Sometimes, I wish I could stop time. After all, my knees are starting to hurt. My body is telling me that I’m getting older. But there is no slowing down, is there?  There is only appreciating the small window of time we have our children at home.

In all this rush to get our kids out the door and back to school, let’s keep something in mind:

The child-raising years are short.  They’re precious.  Our children are a large part of the best thing that will ever happen to most of us in this lifetime—a chance to be loved,  just because we are a child’s mother. A chance to impart our values to a teen who may or may not appear to be listening.  A chance to make an impact on the next generation.  An opportunity to learn what it means to love and to share life with precious people who will, by God’s grace, be taking care of us in our old age.  Yes, by God’s grace, they will take care of us like we took care of them in their youth. They’ll value us—just like we value them.  They’ll value spending their time with us like we valued spending our time with them.

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Parenthood is demanding. It’s iron-man-marathon building, this thing we’re doing.  This thing that carries with it the weight of eternity and the promise of a new generation is worth every ounce of time we put into it. Raising children is a privilege denied to many.  Don’t take it for granted.

If you’ve got a toddler in your house right now, and a baby and a four year old and a seven year old, take a deep breath and try to appreciate it.  Don’t wish the time away.  It goes by fast, and while good things are certainly ahead,  it doesn’t get better than this.

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Snow Day

 

I’m still very much in the trenches. Twenty-two years of being a mom has given me, so far, 8,030 opportunities to tuck a child into bed.  It’s a mommy-marathon. And I am learning that it matters, this chance I’ve been given to shepherd our children. In the grand scheme of things these years a  blip on the radar, and one day, we’ll ALL miss the noise, the questions and even the constant raids on the food pantry and the refrigerator. Yeah. We’ll miss it.

 

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It’s good to linger as we watch our kids board a school bus or open that new level of math book.  I think, if it hurts—even just a little—to acknowledge this passing of time, we’re doing something right.

You’re a mom.  It doesn’t get better than that.

Take your time,
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rights

Heidi St John Guide to Daylight

This entry was posted in Homeschooling, MomStrong Parenting and tagged , on by .

About Heidi St. John

Heidi has been married to her husband Jay since 1989. Together they have seven children and three grandchildren! The St. Johns homeschooled their kids all the way through high school. Heidi is the the author of seven books, host of the popular podcast "Off the Bench," and the founder of MomStrong International, an online community of women learning God's Word and how to apply it to every day life. She and her husband Jay are also the founders of Firmly Planted Family and the Firmly Planted Homeschool Resource Center, located in Vancouver, Washington.

43 thoughts on “It Doesn’t Get Better Than This

  1. Melissa Carr

    I am right there with you Heidi! I am only 3 years into this Motherhood Privilege and I feel the same way! I plan to homeschool my daughter and find your posts very encouraging! I took your recent post to heart about being “that girl” for my husband and have found an immense closeness bloom that was previously waning♥
    Now I look at my little one growing & learning and even though she can be “Such a toddler” at times, I love her with every little dance, song, discovery and little voice asking for more snacks:)
    I hope to change the flow of the whole “out-of-the-door” mentality, and turn it into a “lets-spend-as-much-time-together-now-while-you-are-little” flow!
    We have been asked so many times about “Mommy & Daddy Time” and getting away. I asked my Husband if her really wanted to do that, and he replies, “No, I really don’t want to go anywhere without her.” I was excited because I feel the same way! We have our alone time at naptime on the weekends & during bedtime during the week. Since we do not have family that lives close, I just couldn’t see leaving her to be babysat by anyone! My family says we are too close….. What does that mean? I am taking a different approach as I did when I gave birth Naturally with my Midwife. It is up to the Generations who are Parents now to change the outlook and idea of parenting and what it REALLY means!
    I love your posts! Keep them up, they are true gems♥

    Reply
  2. TrixyG

    Thank you for the reminder. Today was our first day of school ( homeschooling for 10 yrs), and I am always amazed how each year I appreciate this time with my kids more and more. No matter what education choice we make for our family, The Lord has wonderfully entrusted us with each precious child ( sin and all).

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  3. Jennifer Hettinger

    As my 6 year old crawled on my lap this morning with her messy bed head and her PJ’s I was thankful for another sweet slow morning with my kids. It does go fast even the days that don’t seem to go fast enough.

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  4. Grandma

    Just yesterday I had an almost 5 year-old and a new baby. The little man was smart, articulate and always inquisitive. “Wazzat?” was his favourite word, and he was so fond of ‘splaining things to people who just didn’t KNOW. It was a wee bit embarassing when he told the cashier at the grocery store how his baby sister had an ‘umbrella cord’ when she was born.

    The sister in question was a constant source of joy and pride for him. She squealed when hungry (“why doesn’t she just ASK for milk, Mommy?”), and he was forever trying to carry her about. He shared his toy cars with her, even throwing them into the crib while she was sleeping.(in case she woke up and wanted to play, he said) 😉

    How is it that today I am a grandma of 7 wonderful children? Where DID those years go?

    *sigh I am one of those older women who look wistfully at babies in stores, and so want to tell the moms jsut how very quickly it will all be changed. But you know what? They won’t believe me; I didn’t understand, nor will they.

    Hold them tight, moms. It really does pass too quickly…

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  5. Brenda K. Murray Akin

    So true! I remember these sweet little old ladies telling me, “it goes by so fast” and me with a 1 year old & 2 year old thinking. “Maybe for you it did!” But guess what… THEY WERE RIGHT! And now I am the one giving that little tidbit of encouragement to Moms with littles. 😉

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  6. Aleza

    I am a 22 yr old mom with a 3.5 yr old and 23 month old, and grandma, I believe you. I love every day I get to spend with my boys even if I do get grumpy sometimes.

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  7. Amy Sizemore Boyer

    As my little 4 yr old walked into my room at o’dark thirty this morning, with her little dragon breath, and quietly pull me to her room to apologize that she had a potty accident, I thought- thank goodness she is still little enough to come ask me for help. We changed her pjs in the dark and she climbed into bed with me. Thank goodness for moments when we can show them the grace their hearts need.

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  8. Stacie

    I have to admit, there are moments when I see myself in that mom wanting to relish a few hours alone. My baby is now five, and this is the year I thought I was dreaming of when my life was mass chaos four years ago. But, my heart has changed, and I can’t even imagine not being able to share these simple and mundane moments (along with the amazing and memorable moments) with them.

    We just went to our local coffee house for juice and cookies to celebrate our first day of back-to-homeschool, and it was a wonderful day. I’m grateful.

    Thank you for this reminder.

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  9. Kristi Dahl Anderson

    Thank you for this reminder. I needed this today. I so enjoy life with little ones. The problem I am discovering is how to handle the little ones along with the preschoolers, the elementary ones, the middle schoolers, while meeting everyone’s needs. I am either going to have to seriously lower my standards or…? I’m not sure what.

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  10. Kathleen

    This was a great post. I’m a mom of 3 boys and 1 on the way and I’m not a homeschool mom. I look forward to school but for a different reason. I love to see my kids love to learn and have a teacher who cares for them. (They go to a classical Christian school). I work part time so the days I’m not working, is time I get to spend one on one with my youngest. I enjoy summer and the older kids are home and I do enjoy the freedom school brings, but I’m not truly free with a 3 yr old and a new one coming. I’ve learned to enjoy the time we do have and enjoy the time they get to learn from someone trained in that field. For me, I know I can’t be an effective teacher but I can be a much better mommy and it works for our little family. Thanks for sharing the encouragement- it’s always needed!!

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  11. Kimberly Rini

    I am humbled and grateful to have been called on this journey, and I thank you, Heidi, for lighting the way! Indeed, it does NOT get better than where we are each day. God is right beside all of us, in the midst of it all, at our side, upon our hands, in the smiles of our children. Thank you!!

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  12. Jocelyn West Compton

    Thank you Heidi! Chuckling as my 4 kids are almost the exact ages you mentioned 🙂 after 4 c-sections, this baby is my last and I want to soak it up. But I still find myself slipping into the lies of the world and wanting the sleepless nights to be a thing of the past. Praying often that The Lord keeps me focused on today with a joyful heart!

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  13. Cheryl

    God has blessed us with 11 kiddos, ages 20 down to 4. The oldest three are now homeschool graduates and away from home, and I’m finding this new joy/pain of launching them off to college or overseas missions work very sobering indeed. Lord, help me cherish each moment I have with the blessings You’ve given. It truly doesn’t last forever, under our roof.

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  14. Melinda Priano

    I cried when I read this! I’m sitting here expecting our 3rd child’s arrival any day thinking back on how fast my other 2 have grown. As a mom with kids aged 10 and 7, I realize better this time around how quickly it goes. I’m going to try to cherish each moment knowing that my baby will soon enough be the same age as my big boys. Thanks for the reminder and encouragement that my thoughts are in the right place. Now to implement them!

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  15. Michelle Coiner

    Whenever I see that longing look in an older lady’s eyes at church, I hand my three month old over to her. I hope someone does the same for me someday. It goes entirely too fast.

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  16. Wendy Couch

    You are so right. Lord, help me to keep the big picture in focus even in the midst of chaos. Life is truly a vapor…..

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  17. Heather

    Such a great reminder I so needed today as we start our 7th year of homeschooling. It just flies by :(! My two girls and I cherish our time together and being a mother to them is the most humbling and blessed privilege. I’ve failed so many times it’s a wonder they still love me! I feel so unworthy and undeserving. Thank God for His grace and strength, love and mercy and that He doesn’t give up on me even when I want to.

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  18. Nicole

    I love this! I couldn’t agree more, which is why we started homeschooling this fall. I missed my kids too much when they were at school. This phase passes much too quickly and I intend to cherish every minute of it. But I do get tired and weary, we all do. I needed this reminded. Thank you so much!

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  19. Heidi

    Heidi,
    I just wanted to say I have loved your down to earth, encouraging, and shoulder-to-shoulder-with-you kind of approach to your blog and website. It makes me want to meet you and share stories together! We are starting our 3rd year of homeschooling and have just welcomed our 5th child this summer. I am so glad to have found your website and look forward to hearing more from you!!

    Reply
    1. Heidi Post author

      Thank you! I appreciated seeing your comment today 🙂 Congratulations on your new baby and welcome to my online hangout 🙂

      Reply
  20. Amy

    Heidi,
    I am just now finding your blog and have read through a few posts but this one hit me like a ton of bricks. I have a 14mo. old, and 6 and 8 year old. I can already see things differently this time around. I remember when my older two were a baby and toddler, I felt like I was knee deep, heck neck deep in the trenches, and couldn’t wait to get some freedom back. Then as my littlest headed to K4, I found myself longing to have another baby. Boy am I glad we decided to and have been blessed beyond measure! Things seem a little sweeter this time, less rushed and who cares about the messes! I am soaking it all in! And instead of having regrets from when my older two were babies, I’m making the most of RIGHT now with them. I’m trying to show more patience and be spontaneous. They really do grow up so fast. I’ve started homeschooling my oldest this fall and may be homeschooling both next year. It was so overwhelming to start, but we take it one day at a time. I really loved your post, though, and it brought me to tears. I will be sharing it!

    Reply
    1. Heidi Post author

      Hi Amy! You’re right—the messes pass. The memories are forever. xoxo Thanks for sharing your beautiful heart <3 I look forward to hearing from you again! xoxo heidi

      Reply

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