A Case for Homemaking

A case for homemaking edited 2

I’ve been having some sort of inner crisis lately. I’ve been burnt out on doing what I HAVE to do and not really feeling like I am doing anything I WANT to do. I haven’t even been able to think of what it is I would rather do. I’ve been at a stand still and not happy there.

There was a lot of work to be done all those years raising little ones, but there was also an element of gratification to it. It was simpler in so many ways. I’m not there anymore.

Having older kids is great in the respect that they can tie their own shoes, shower themselves, help out with chores around the house, etc, but it’s much more mentally and emotionally taxing. It reminds me of that saying, “Little kids wreck your house and big kids wreck your mind.” Life just feels much more fragmented now.

So I’ve found myself less than excited about keeping house, making meals, etc. It feels like it’s pointless..after 25 years, it’s still never finished. But I don’t think that’s really the point.

I’ve had a cluttered heart and mind and haven’t been sure what the problem is or what the solution could possibly be. So I did all I know to to: I prayed and asked God to give me wisdom (James 1:5) and His eyes to see things the way He does.

What I discovered was simple and yet profound: I am missing that basic gratification that comes with the menial, simple tasks of keeping a home.

We have trained our kids to help around the house and in order for life to run smoothly in the midst of busy tweens and teens, we really do need their help.

But there is something to be said for folding a warm load of laundry… one that hasn’t been sitting in there for 2 days and is now cold and wrinkled. There’s a satisfaction in cleaning the kitchen thoroughly with my own two hands and joy in filling our home with the comforting aroma of a well planned, home cooked meal. There can be such peace in finishing a task like washing the windows or polishing the table top.

I’m not taking the kids’ chore responsibilities away, but I’ve decided to participate more and work alongside them…like I did when they were younger.  I will also work alone quietly, with my own hands and my own thoughts.

When my house is in order, my world seems calmer and less chaotic.  We aren’t talking perfection here, but there’s something about working with our hands that helps our hearts sort things out. I think God meant it to be that way.

I am not saying that all house work is  for women only (just ask my teenage boys), but we are one of many generations of homemakers who have gone before us. For centuries, women have bent over the stove/fire and prepared meals for their families, maintained their homes and created an atmosphere that helped keep the family cohesive. We were born at different times, but we are part of that sisterhood that spans between now and the dawn of time.

It might be good for our hearts to remember that these “menial” tasks just may be more valuable than this culture gives them credit for. Jesus was about servanthood…about the small things, because, quite often, the countless little things really turn out to be the big things.

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Heidi St John Homeschooling Guide to Daylight
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About Durenda Wilson

Durenda Wilson is fairly new to the blogging world because she has been very busy the last 25 years raising 8 children and loving her handsome husband of 26 years. They have two married daughters and four grandbabies. Their oldest son is graduating from college this year and 5 kids are still at home, four of whom are boys! Durenda loves making good food for her family, but sometimes wishes dinner would make itself. She enjoys meaningful conversation over a good cup of coffee. She recently published a simple, mercifully short book sharing her perspective after 20 years of homeschooling with a "less is more" approach... "The Unhurried Homeschooler". She also shares her heart on her blog Simple Nourishing Home, FB, Twitter, and Pinterest.

9 thoughts on “A Case for Homemaking

  1. BrIanne

    Durenda, I am SO very much in the same place as you! I’ve been having a personal crisis, too. I’ve been feeling burnt out and unmotivated to do what needs to be done, too. Life has seemed more emotionally draining and fragmented at my house, too. Your story resonates with me and comes at a good time. Not that I desire for others to feel as I do, but it is comforting to know that I am not alone in this crisis, that others are working through this same challenge.

    Thank you for sharing your story and for sharing how you have reassessed the situation. I agree that it all has to do with how we mentally label our ‘menial’ tasks that drains the gratification from doing them. I, too, need to re-label the cooking, the folding, the cleaning, the chauffeuring, the shopping in my own mind. These ARE the ways I can bless and serve my family best right now. I need to show my love and care for my husband and teens by doing those tasks with joy, not with grumbles, and with purpose, not with procrastination.

    Bless you for giving me just the sweet and simple encouragement I need to start today!

    Reply
    1. Durenda

      Thank you so much for sharing, Brianne. I’m encouraged by your tender heart for your family. Being a wife and mom is the best ever, but it is NOT for the faint hearted!! Blessings to you!!

      Reply
  2. Danielle

    I folded several baskets of my kids’ clothes last week, just because I missed that feeling of closeness with them. They’ve been doing their own for several years now. I felt a tenderness that had been missing in the hustle of the end-of-school. With my youngest nearly 5, the dynamics are changing. This post is exactly what I’ve been thinking. I even cleaned the bathroom by myself, while my teenage son enjoyed a break from his weekly chore.

    Reply
  3. Amy Lee

    Amen Durenda! I have been feeling the same way. A few of my girlfriends and I have been wondering what has happened to our generation? My husband looked at me the other day and asked me if I expected him to go to work in the pants he had on and asked me where the ironing board was. I had to confess that I threw the ironing board away the year before when we moved…after all, isn’t that what the dryer fluff cycle is for? I looked at his pants and felt ashamed at how wrinkled he was because the thing is, you actually have to remove the clothes promptly after you fluff them, not two days later. The next day I bought an ironing board and spent 2 hours ironing every pair of pants he and my boys have. And I felt such simple delight at watching the wrinkles fade away and I felt like I was really taking care of my family. I felt peace in my day. Peace…from ironing!?!?

    Our mothers didn’t spend hours answering emails and texts or meeting with financial planners to convert our IRAs or invest our future…they had their pension from the job that their husbands worked for the last 35 years! And they didn’t run around to practices and clubs because anything we participated in took place right after school so we were home well before dinner so they could actually cook one! Now, with the cost of living and the gotta-have-it mindset, it takes two incomes for most people to live so every activity takes place after 6:00pm. And they certainly didn’t run around to playdates and bounce houses and laser tag because it was safe enough for us to ride our bikes around the neighborhood and play with whomever was in a 5 block radius.

    It makes me sad for all of us women who have it in our hearts to be a homemaker but find ourselves struggling to find the time or the joy for it! I wonder if my daughter-in-laws will know what to do with an iron or know that dinner, generally, doesn’t come from a drive thru. All the more reason I should joyfully spoil my boys now because it may be the only homemaking they get! Thank you for the reminder that there is still value in this lost art!

    Reply
  4. Jamie Abernathy

    Thank you for this article. Although I am currently working two full-time jobs. One is being a mother and the other at a community college. I find myself caught in a “waiting place”**. This is very hard for me because I am an impatient person. I know things need to be done, and my boys have their chores also. I am learning, and also am enjoying a book called “The Waiting Place”, by Eileen Button. I can relate to her struggles and triumphs. So while I stand in my waiting place, I am trying to enjoy the moments with my kids.

    Reply
  5. Amy

    I can so relate to your article & the comments. Thank you for sharing and being an encouragement. Its true, I have recently surprised my kids with emptying & reloading the dishwasher for them & cleaning their bathrooms. Its actually been very fulfilling to do the work myself & also to see their delighted looks at the break I gave them from that chore. I, personally, have so many more chores than they do but it was fun to squeeze those chores in to show them my love in a different way. Last Monday I came out of my room to see my kids already up, ready & doing excited teamwork to finish up all their chores early in the day!! I was so blessed to see their joy! Maybe its cuz they’ve seen MY joy in serving lately & they were reflecting that?? I sure hope we all stay on this healthy cycle! The way it was before wasn’t fun, but pure drudgery for us all. Here’s to serving Jesus & our families with JOY & BLESSINGS!!!

    Reply
  6. valerie

    This is a great post! I always have to declutter my mind and allow my thoughts to see God and not the constant mess. I need to find joy in the process of cleaning and not just the result. Great reminder!

    Reply
    1. Heidi

      Thanks, Valerie! It’s funny how we all need the reminder from time to time—I just had another “OH YEAH” moment yesterday! 🙂 #thestruggleisreal

      Reply

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