Archive for the ‘Parenting’ Category

Monday. Here we go again.

I don’t know about you but the older my kids get, the faster the days go.

Each day has it’s own challenges, but in many ways, the days are like each other: dishes, laundry, tidy up, discipline, train, teach.

This morning as I spent a little time in 1 Corinthians 3, I was reminded that God, who does all things well, knows exactly what I need for each day. He’s not fretting over the details, either. He’s simply waiting for me to do my part.

Allow me to paraphrase – meaning, this is what the Lord showed me as I was reading this beautiful passage today.

v.5-6  …the Lord has assigned to each his task. You and your husband plant and water the seed, but God makes it grow.”

Such a wonderful reminder! Don’t grow weary in doing good, busy mom.

Do your part today. Water, nurture, water some more.  Love your kids today. Praise them. Discipline them.

And then trust God.

Only God makes things grow.

“He makes all things beautiful … in His time.”
Ecclesiastes 3:11

It was 1993.

We were expecting our second baby.  Our first daughter had mastered toddling and was rapidly moving into terrorizing. Ahh, the “terrible twos” were upon us.

But she was beautiful, this tottering two-year old. I could get lost in her big brown eyes.  Just watching her playing in that small, sunlit corner of our living room made me smile. I had never known a love like the love that I felt for this little girl.

As my second pregnancy progressed, I wondered how it could ever be possible to love another baby as much as I loved Savannah. I could not fathom there could be room in my heart for more love.

But I was wrong. Turns out, the human heart is capable of so.much.love.

Sierra was born in December. Her eyes danced, too. Her smile was perfect. I’ll never forget the relief that washed over me when I held her in my arms for the first time.  I wept like a baby. You see, I had been carrying her for the past five months under a cloud of worry.  Jay and I had been told that it was more than 60% likely that she had Down Syndrome. It looked as if she had a small hole in her heart. Her measurements were “off.”  We were sent to a genetic counselor.

Our options were laid out clearly: Abortion or “Take a Chance.”  Amniocentesis was not something we were interested in. Abortion was absolutely out of the question. The thought of taking her life horrified and hurt us.  We had seen her! Seen her heart beating. Seen her beautiful silhouette via ultrasound. Seen her little feet and seen her fully formed body.

Surely, the “experts” saw it too, this beautiful, tiny human being.

After our second visit and a level two ultrasound, our “genetic counselor” offered his best advice. We ignored it.

We took “a chance”.

“Thumbs up, mom!”

And then, we wrestled with the fear the followed the faith.  Oh the fear.  Every kick she made inside me said, “I’m here!” Every hiccup, every movement reminded me that she was growing. She was coming into our lives.

Sometimes, you just have to trust that God knows what He is doing.

On the day that Sierra was born, the room was full of doctors. One for neonatal intensive care. One for her heart. One to assess her for Down Syndrome.

And one to observe how it all played out.

I labored silently, determined to save as much energy as I could for my baby’s arrival. Jay put his head next to mine. I love that man.

Quietly, our daughter made her entrance into the world. For a moment, I am sure Jay and I stopped breathing. The heart specialist called for his nurse. And then ..my doctor looked up at me and his look said it all: she was healthy. No way to be sure in an instant–but we were instantly sure.

The worry and fear from the past five months came flooding to the surface of my mama’s heart. I wept as our little seven pound miracle breathed in and out on my chest.

Sometimes, the “experts” are just wrong.

Sometimes, we have no choice but to go with what we KNOW to be true, based on what God has told us about Himself. Even if Sierra would have been born with Down Syndrome or heart problems, what we knew to be true was this: God created her. He loved her. He gave her to us. And He would give us what we needed to care for her.

Choosing life for our daughter was one of the “we know it to be true” kinds of things.

Fast-forward several years.

A new parenting program was being touted at our church. We had three kids by then.  And I won’t lie to you,  we needed a little help.

Expert help, you could say.

We enrolled in the parenting class along with about ten other couples.

Advice abounded. A parenting formula: Mix a little-of-this with a-little-of-that and VOILA.  You’ve got a kid who will respect you and respect others, obey on command, help without complaint and obey immediately without question or hesitation.

That’s what the “experts” said.

Sign me up for that!  Who wouldn’t want that?

We were all so young. We wanted to do the best thing for our kids.  Besides, the promise of the program resonated: if you just do ____ then your kids will turn out great.

The downside to formulaic parenting is so immense that I can’t cover it in a blog post but let me say this:

Formula and faith do not mix.

I’ll never forget the pressure that we felt as a result of that class.  My husband was a worship pastor at the time. I felt like I was mothering in a giant fishbowl. People were watching. And my imperfect kids had to deal with imperfect, flawed, fearful me.

Bummer.

Formulas don’t work. There are no cookie-cutter methods for parenting. Our children are not all cut from one mold.

Sometimes, the experts are wrong.

There are principles but there are no guarantees.

There are promises but there is no way to avoid the tough realities of day-to-day mothering: It’s just hard sometimes.  Parenting requires a listening, discerning spirit.  I can require obedience but without the heart to obey, obedience is just another action.

For a while we were caught up in the legalism of following a formula. And it was burdensome.

During that time, I learned that parents can be particularly hard on other parents. Especially when we think we’re right and someone else is wrong.

Sometimes, I think I’m the expert.
And then, something happens that reminds me I’m not.
Thank God for grace.

Fast-forward again.

Two of our children are grown. (Where did the time go?  I thought I had more time…)  And I realize more with each passing day that I must depend on the Lord to help me guide each child. I also realize that God has been gracious. Our children are each so different, each with their own set of unique needs. Each situation requires me to respond differently.

True confession: I wanted an “expert” to tell me FOR SURE that our daughter was marrying the right man.  (She did, by the way.) But in the end, God said, “Trust Me.  Trust Me in your daughter.”

Turns out our daughter was learning to hear God during those precious years we had her at home.

Not from an expert. But from our example. Sometimes a bad example. But an example, nevertheless.

I get to be a steward of these precious ones while they are in our home. Now that I’ve seen how bad advice can skew a family, and I’ve lived long enough to see how fast the growing years go by, my perspective is changed.  I’m learning to become even more intentional with the time God has given me to till and plant and nourish the lives that He has entrusted to Jay and me. As you’ve heard me say before, I’m learning to become an intentional arborist.

There are wonderful books out there on parenting. But be careful when you pick up a book that is rule-based or promises a specific result.

Every day, ask the Lord to help you as you nurture your children.  I’ve been asking God for many things over the years–and these come to mind first:

1. Humility. If anyone ever tells you that there are “Three Steps to a New Kid” or whatever … run. It’s a formula. And it’s prideful to boot. None of us has it all together. 
2. A heart to understand God’s heart. Not hard-and-fast rules. As I get older and walk with Jesus more, I realize this means I need to be reading His Word as often as I can … so that I can know His heart and not be driven by fear or by the rules of men.
3. Gentleness. Gentleness is a much overlooked fruit of the Spirit. It’s evidence that God is at work. Gentleness is present when we discipline our children because the Spirit is there too.
4. Discernment in discipline. Sometimes, love must be tough. Sometimes, we make decisions for our children that will allow them to feel the consequences of their actions. Discernment tells us when to use tough love and when to let the circumstance teach the child while we love them through it.  There are no easy answers.
5. A heart to understand my children. We can’t get to the hearts of our children by sequestering them from the world with a rule book and a list of consequences for bad behavior. Children need love and nurture along with correction. One without the other produces hard hearts.

Our options are clearly laid out for us. We can choose a path that promises a particular result, or we can “take a chance” on trusting that the promises and correction found in God’s Word will apply to each of our children exactly when they need it to.

The only real “expert” advice we can count on is found in the Bible.  We don’t need to have all the answers.  We just need to know the One who does.

“What if, sometimes, there are mists and fogs so thick that I cannot see the path? ‘Tis enough that You hold my hand, and guide me in the darkness; for walking with You in the gloom–is far sweeter and safer than walking alone in the sunlight!

Dear Lord, give me grace to trust You wholly, whatever may befall; yielding myself up to Your leading, and leaning hard on You when “dangers are in the path.” Your way for me has been marked out from all eternity, and it leads directly to Yourself and home!”

~Susannah Spurgeon

Got Roots?

Not the “grow out” roots you get from an overdue visit with your hair stylist.  The other kind.

The roots I’m picturing belong to the tree that is described in Psalm 1. When talking about what the righteous look like, David said this:

They are like trees planted along the riverbank,
    bearing fruit each season.
Their leaves never wither,
    and they prosper in all they do.

Psalm 1:1-3

Can you picture those trees? They are strong. Their roots run deep. They’re anchored in rich soil. They’ve been carefully nurtured.

How?  Well by a specialist, of course. An arborist, to be exact.

So what is an arborist?

Dictionary.com says this:

ar·bor·ist

See if this describes your job as a busy mom:

Cultivation and care of your child— check!
Requires some heart surgery—mostly the “inner” kind—check!
Demands a diagnosis from time to time—and treatment too—check!
Preventative in nature—check!
Pest control?  You know it!

Yep. I thought so. You’re an arborist.

If you’ve got kids, you’re an arborist. Only you’re tending to the eternal, not the temporal. You’re impacting the future, one tiny trim and watering at a time.

I’ve been privileged to watch some amazing aborists in my time. And guess what? They didn’t do everything right.  But I’ll say this: they were intentional about caring for their little saplings. The best arborists are trees too, you know, and they have learned to bend so that they don’t break.  They haven’t over-watered their young trees with the language of legalism. Instead, they cover their young with grace—and the occasional, necessary pruning.

Strong kids almost always have this in common: they’ve been patiently, tenderly, intentionally nurtured over time by parents who take their job seriously.

These parents—these tree-whisperers—are doing what is arguably the most important job on the earth: they are raising the next generation.

The world we live in is challenging. It’s easy for young saplings to get torn out by their roots when cultural winds blow.

And the winds are sure blowing now, aren’t they?

But strong trees—trees that are rooted deep in the rich soil of God’s truth and grace— are not blown about by the winds that surround them.

As a mother, it is comforting to know that God cares deeply, even more than I, about our young orchard. I don’t have to worry about what to teach our children about truth—since truth does not change. God has spoken to the really important matters already. He has told us how to love—and He has shown us how to love. We must love in spirit and in truth.

Is it tough?  Does in rain in Washington?

I’m learning — sometimes the hard way — that I can be an intentional arborist without having it all together also. I don’t have to have every answer.  But I must be willing and I must be rooted. Willing to put in the long hours, and willing to tend to my own root system: my marriage, my own relationship with God and my relationships with others.  After all, strong roots—strong mother.

So what does it look like to be an intentional arborist?
Here are three ways you can become a better, more intentional arborist.

• Get rooted yourself.
  You’ll need fertilizer. God’s Word is the best there is!
  Strong roots=strong mama. You can’t be like that tree in Psalm 1 if you’re not rooted first in the soil of the Bible. Spend time with the Lord each day. I like to read just a chapter each day in the Psalms and this year, I’m going through the New Testament. Don’t know where to start? Try the book of Philippians. You can’t go wrong.
• Get praying.
  Need wisdom?  I sure do!  Seems like each one of our seven children needed an entirely new set of instructions! Cookie-cutter parenting simply doesn’t work. Ask God specifically for the needs of your children. Name them. God made and designed them, so it makes sense that He would know what each child needs. Even that strong-willed child.  Yeah. That one might require some extra prayer.  I know my poor mother had her hands full with me!  ”Lord, help me shape this strong will for YOUR GLORY!”
• Get the BIGGER picture.
  Boy, is it hard to see past tantrums, late nights, long conversations, repeated instruction, consistent discipline, failure, disappointment.  (And I’m just talking about my own issues here!) Goodness knows we’ve got to see the WHY or we can easily get lost in the oh-so-daily tasks of parenting. Mom, you are doing an amazing job.  The impact of your intentional parenting will last long after the last load of laundry has been run through and you’ve watched your child begin to put down new roots on his own.

  What we’re doing today will impact our grandchildren.  I wonder … what kind of a root system will they inherit from this generation of arborists?

  The impact of your intentional parenting will last long after the last load of laundry has been run through and you’ve watched your child begin to put down new roots on his own.

The work you do now will yield a harvest of joy if you hang in there. Plant tenderly.  Sow with love. Plant with the harvest in mind.

The harvest is coming, busy mom. As I watch my adult children interact with my little ones, I am reminded of how fast the years go.  Indeed, the days can be long, but the years go by fast.

Know what I mean?

You sure look cute in those arborist overalls, by the way.

They suit you.

The St. Johns are the publishers and co-authors of Firmly Planted, a Bible study for the entire family.  Check it out here.

In this blogging world there are so many great writers who have so much wisdom to share! I decided it’s time to invite some of them to share with my readers, so without further adieu  my first “Friday’s Friend,” Rebecca from Mom’s Mustard Seeds.

“If you would teach your kids better, they wouldn’t do that.”

Those words hurt as they were flung across asphalt. This Mama heart was in the midst of our third year homeschooling and the day the words were spoken, was the third anniversary of my Mom’s death.

I was devastated.

And those words ‘of not doing enough’ began to take root.

I began to believe them. As I read words from others, I saw how so many Moms live in what seems like a ‘ground hog day of motherhood’. Same failures, different days. Day after day – wake up, cry, feel pity, feel guilty, seek others, go to bed, cry- repeat. I enjoyed not being ‘alone’.

I began to realize little by little that I was not moving forward. I was not living each day for the one who created me. It hit me that I was living to overcome the words that were spoken. I was living in a ‘do’ mentality.

I was allowing the judgement and misunderstanding of one who does not know me drive me into a pit and eat away at my peace like a vulture.

Have you ever lived in that ‘do’ mentality? You know, the one where if you just ‘do’ this or you ‘do’ that, then your children will ‘do’ what they are supposed to ‘do’ and others will see that you are ‘doing’ the right thing and you’ll be loved and accepted.

But, that mentality of doing – is not where we are supposed to live.

We, as mothers, have a higher calling.

I found that calling late one night, as I curled up in a chair,wrapped in a blanket and tears poured down my cheeks.

The words I read provided my true worth and helped me to find my joy again. It was there, that I began to hear my Father, His words and His calling. He showed me the truth that while I have my own part to play, He is the one who works in me and I have to submit to His word and will:

“For it is God who works in you, both to will and to work for his good pleasure.” Phil 2:13 ESV

Which then took me down a path of identifying what that looks like in my life, as his child – being the wife and mother he created me to be. Not the person, mom or wife others think I should be. Their thoughts and misunderstandings only lead me down the right path when they are founded on his word. But, it’s up to me, truly to find it and bury it in my heart.

First, I am a wife. I want to be a wife of noble character. I desire to be an excellent wife. These things are not something I can truly be or do. But, I can set my eyes on the words of God – I can bury them in my heart and meditate on them. The more I do that, the more I will become the wife I was created to be – the wife I long to be…..

And then, I am a mother. In the world, motherhood has become less than a blessing. It is no longer lifted up as a position to be admired, but of one who is almost less than the lowest. I can’t keep my eyes on that. I refuse to be stuck in the monotony of a life that is less than ordinary. And I definitely do not want to to grab hold of the ground hog day mentality.

Oh, it’s easy to do – in the days of diapers and toys. The days of hormonal changes and car dashes here and there. But, our perception of truth can only be attained in the words of the Father. So, I pulled open the book and again, I sought words to guide and encourage me….

Download this printable here

To be a wife and a Mom in today’s world takes courage and perseverance. This is not an ordinary life and our love begins in our homes. But, we, Moms need to join together and grow friendships that are so beautiful that others see us and see the beauty of grace and mercy that only shines from the light of Christ. We need to learn how to disagree but get along, and embrace our differences – because we are all created by the one who created the world.

While we grab on to this life, we need to embrace the small moments with our family.

Being a wife and a Mom – it’s hard, but beautiful. Grab on and don’t miss out on the little things that matter most! There will be hard days and days that run so beautifully, we will forget the bad.

Will you join me? Let’s reach out, share the truth about the good and the bad. Let’s form a bond so close that even in the midst of the muck and mire the beauty of the Savior shines so bright it opens the eyes of those walking around with their heads down. It’s time….


Rebecca remarried the love of her life and witnesses the beauty of God’s Grace and Mercy every day of her life. Her goal is to immerse her children in God’s Love, Word, Grace and Mercy so that He is the One they seek to glorify in all of their works and deeds. She is a Project Manager by trade, climbed the corporate ladder, made that big pay check. Yet, God brought her home and she has found more joy and riches in the hugs and kisses, and yes, the tears and sweat, of being home and discipling her children than she ever found in the corporate world. The days can be long, but sitting at the foot of the cross with her children is beautiful, and she prays she will help raise up a new generation of leaders, shining the Lord’s light in our dark world. She cannot wait to encourage you in your Homeschool Journey. Find Rebecca on Facebook and Twitter and on her blog, Mom’s Mustard

Good morning busy moms! You’ve made it to Wednesday! *Elmo says: “I’m proud of you!* Today, I feel like the Little Engine that Could Can you relate?

I’ve been thinking about something lately, and here’s the deal: I’m not gonna lie to you (I’m no good at it anyway.)

I know many wish that there was a formula for homeschooling or parenting that would produce the perfect result.

There isn’t.

There’s only faith.

I read yet another blog post yesterday from a young woman who grew up in a harsh environment and now blames her parents. And I don’t know, maybe they were to blame.

But my hunch is that they were just two people who really did want to be the best parents they could be. My hunch is that that desire drew them into a formulaic style of parenting that was rigid and un-yeilding. Unfortunately, more often than not, it does not yield the desired “result”. It often produces rebellion and ends up tearing at the parent/child relationship instead of undergirding it.

Faith is harder than formula-it requires a daily surrendering of both my spirit and my will. It also forces me to look at my own weaknesses as a human being. When I hold those up to the light-well, let’s just say it gives me more grace for my children as I help them navigate the sometimes choppy waters of this world.

No great speaker or author is going to be able to give you ANY piece of advice that can replace the voice of the Spirit in your life. Listen for God’s voice today, busy mom.

And if you’re looking for a place to start, try the Bible.

Colossians 3:12 says, “Therefore, as God’s chosen people, holy and dearly loved, clothe yourselves with compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness and patience.”

There may not be a formula-and that’s okay. We don’t need one, because we’ve got God’s word to guide and direct us.

Let’s pray for each other as we love our husbands and our children. Let’s pray that we might be kind, humble and gentle.

I’d say pray for patience too… but then I’d be signing up for a test of my patience so I’ll just leave that one “implied.”

But I will pray for JOY today.  The kind that will help my children see how much I love them and how much I enJOY having them in our home.

I hope our kids remember that even though we didn’t get it all right, we sure loved them like crazy.

At the end of the day-it won’t be the bookwork or the math problems that will determine whether or not we get a passing grade on our parenting. It will be our relationships that determine what those end marks will be.

I choose joy.

all photos copyrighted by Sierra St. John

I looked in the mirror the other day and laughed along with God.

No joke.

I laughed.

Why? Because I have seven kids, that’s why.  And I think it makes God smile.

Why? Because it’s me, that’s why. 

Me.

The woman who has to buy silk plants because I have a startling ability to kill both plants and small animals. (I boiled my fish to death in their aquarium when I was 14.  True story.)

In my defense, the thermostat broke while I was at school. But still. I think I have PTSD from that episode.

God knew all about my anti-nurturing qualities and still, He saw fit to entrust me with seven precious lives.

Seven.

S E V E N beautiful pairs of baby feet.  Made just for me and my husband by the God of the universe.

I think God is smiling at me right this minute, thinking about my dead fish and my silk plants—and those seven precious people who call me … MOM.

You see, God knows me. I’ve learned He knows me better than I know myself.

He knows my name.

I like to picture Him saying it … I listen for it.

And I hear Him—in the stillness that comes with the morning light. I hear Him.  ”Heidi.”

Just.Like.That.  Gentle. Patient.

Like a father should be.

Like any good father, He knew I was terrified of motherhood. Terrified that I was destined to repeat a generational sin in my family. Terrified that I was not equipped to take care of a baby.  Terrified that I would mess it up. And even more terrified to admit it.

My Father knew my fears as a young mother-to-be.

And He still knows them. {He’s good like that.}

Sometimes, Father lets me wrestle with a question. Sometimes, He sends an answer.

Rarely early. Never late.

I think He knows when I need an answer and when I can wait a while longer.

In September of 1991, I had a question that couldn’t wait. I needed an answer.

Life hung in the balance.

New life.

He knows my name. He knows my name.

I was a woman who was about to give birth.  My fear of failing bubbled to the surface. My spirit struggled under the weight of  an uncertain future.

Could I do this?  Really?
Would I be an angry mother?
Could I overcome my fear?

Just a few days before our precious first-born entered this world, I broke down. Tears rolled down my face and dropped quietly onto my burgeoning belly. It was time to face my fear.

He knows my name.

As I sat in the living room of a dear woman of God, I confided in her. I unpacked my fears. I told my story.

And God sent me His answer through this precious friend.

Rarely early. Never late.

“I can’t do it!” I wailed. “I don’t know how! I don’t know how not to be angry.”

It was all I had ever known, really. Anger.

He knows my name.

“Heidi, ” Nola said, “Why are you crying? God has made you new.  You are a new creation! You are redeemed! Called by name. Loved. Set apart. You are not bound by your past. You.Are.New.”

He knows my name.

In that moment, I was set free. Free to be the woman God made me to be. Free to be the mother I wanted to be.

That was nearly twenty-two years ago.

Do I still battle with my fears? Yes.

Do I struggle? Fall? Fail?

Yes.

But here’s the thing: I’m learning what it means to be truly free.

Free to be imperfect. Free to ask for help.

Free to mess things up.  To ask for grace —grace to be the woman God sees when He looks at me.

He knows my name.

He knows your name too, precious mom. He knows your fears—He’s seen your failures.

And He loves you.

You can trust Him with your fears and your failures. Lean hard into His arms. He can hold you up.

He knows your name. Can you hear Him saying it?

Look up. Listen.

He knows your name.

You’re doing great, mom! Keep lovin’ your kids.

“You just WAIT until they are old enough to be really rebellious!”

These were some of the first words I heard from well-meaning folks twenty-two years ago, as I held my bright-eyed, strong-willed little girl in my arms.

I’ll admit: I wasn’t looking forward to those dreaded years, but comments like that didn’t help. I figured I had a few years to come up with a “plan of attack” though. And, thankfully, the first twelve years provided plenty of learning opportunities for my sweet husband and me. Mostly, they were opportunities to learn the best ways to love our kids.

Years ago, the Lord impressed a verse on my heart as I was sitting on our couch reading to our pre-teens. We were reading the story of George Mueller, who had served the Lord with a passion that ultimately brought many to Christ. I wondered what my teens would choose to do with their lives…and then, I saw this verse in an entirely new light:

“For I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord, plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you a hope and a future.” ~Jeremiah 29:11

I had been reading this verse all my life but at that moment I saw it in a new light: God had a plan for EACH of my children. It wasn’t just for me—that promise was for them, too. It overshadowed the moments of angst we were having, and those all-too-common struggles for right relationship. I really saw each of my children as truly precious to the Lord. It made me very aware of my part in God’s plan, too, because as their mother, I was a big part of what God was doing in their lives at that point. As a mom, I am God’s divine choice to help Him as He prepares our children for the plans He has already made for them. My job was to nurture and guide them into God’s plan—to help them find their purpose.

Instead of dreading the teen years, I now look forward to them. Why? Because that when weary moms and dads get to see the first signs of buds that appear on the branches we have been tending to so carefully. It’s those final few years that we have our children under our care and supervision. The teen years provide opportunities for late-night conversations about the real stuff that life is made of.

The world says that when we have teens we should gradually give them more and more freedom: 13 yr olds are now being left to parent themselves, and 16 year-olds are often making life-altering decisions will little guidance from their parents.

But how different God’s view is of parenting!  Consider what David had to say in Psalm 127:4:

Like arrows in the hand of a warrior are the children of one’s youth.

God says that our children are like arrows in the hands of a warrior!  This is a great image for us to remember as we get ready to launch our arrows out into the world: rather than giving more and more freedom and imparting less instruction, we should be giving more instruction! Before an archer gets ready to launch his arrows, he carefully draws the bow and arrow into himself, carefully determining trajectory and keeping his eyes on the target.

Am I suggesting that we don’t give our teens a measure of freedom? No. Our job is to prepare them for adulthood. They will need freedom in order to grow and test their first flight wings. But let’s be careful not to launch them too soon or carelessly. Let’s keep our eyes on preparing them for that specific task to which God is calling them—and be open to the idea that it will not always be what we had hoped it would be.  Remember, God is the Master planner! We are simply caretakers for a few years of great opportunity and influence in the lives of our children.

The teen years go by fast. But contrary to the world’s thinking, they are not a time for less parenting. They are a time of great opportunity— a time for greater wisdom and involvement. The teen years are not an instant maturity of child to adult, but a gradual deepening of a friendship between child and parent. It’s an opportunity to use careful wisdom when disciplining and to ask for forgiveness when it’s required.

Don’t miss these precious years.  Don’t dread them. Take advantage of them.

Wondering how?  Here are a few simple goals to consider:

• Make your home the place where your teens want to bring their friends.
  We’ve found that making our home “the place” has required some flexibility over the years … but that flexibility has resulted in wonderful memories of pizza parties, game nights, movie nights and even wonderful interactions around a big pot of taco soup. Make sure your teens know that you welcome their friends into your house. Not only does it give you great insight into the character of their friends, it allows you a greater platform to speak into their lives.
  
• Be willing to stay up late.
  I don’t know why, but teens become night owls. So we became night owls too. Sometimes, against our will! But those late-night conversations are a huge part of the important stuff. Prop your eyelids open … it’s worth it!
• Learn to apologize.
  Your teens will respect you and learn from your example if you can admit it when you are wrong. After all, we ask forgiveness for our entire lifetime!
• Be the parents.
  You’re an archer. You’re preparing your kids for a battle—and this requires both nurture and discipline. Our kids were not created to be boomerangs! They’re not supposed to come back… right? They were created as arrows. You don’t get a second chance. One launch. A few short years. Don’t grow weary in investing in your teens.

The harvest is coming. Sow wisely and lovingly. And ENJOY these precious years!

Several years ago, I overheard a “celebrity” being interviewed on TV as I prepared dinner for our family.  The questions seemed to center on her public life, and then, one question got my attention.

“If you could only say one thing to young mothers who are raising their children, what would it be?” asked the reporter.  The woman thought for just a moment and replied, “Life is not a dress-rehearsal.  You only get one shot at raising your kids.  Don’t mess it up.”

Her voice cracked slightly, and I heard the familiar sound of missed opportunity in her tone. I wondered why.  By all appearances, she had the “perfect” life. Beautiful children, lots of money, handsome husband. I put down my paring knife to focus on the remainder of her short interview.  It turned out that she was estranged from two of her children.  She lamented the fact that while she was raising her children, she and her husband spent so much time cultivating a “perfect” family, that they did not develop a relationships with their children that would last.  It only looked good on the outside.   And now, it was too late to start over.  The time for raising her children had passed.  She could only warn other mothers not to walk down the same path she had gone down.

The time for sowing seed had passed.  The harvest was in.

It is hard to hear those kinds of words.  My heart hurt for this mom.  Naturally, I thought of my own children.  Our oldest, who is now married and expecting her own child this fall was nearly 16 at the time—and even then, it seemed that it was just yesterday when we were holding her in our arms, in awe of her perfect features and scared to death that we wouldn’t do everything “just right”.  I thought of my grandmother, who remarked to me just a few months after grand-daddy died that she was amazed at how fast her life had gone by.

Grandma said to me, “Heidi, the best thing you will ever do in this life is to love your husband and to raise your children to love and serve the Lord.  Don’t let the world fool you into thinking that having children is anything less than the best thing you’ll ever do.”   How I miss this precious lady! She was so wise.

I recently spoke to a group of women in Washington about the blessing of motherhood.  It seems odd to me that many Christians have bought into the world’s way of looking at children. It must grieve the heart of God when we think of our children as anything less than a gift straight from the heart of the Creator Himself.

The Bible is full of stories of amazing moms who understood their worth before the Father.  God’s word stresses the importance of mothers!  In Exodus 2 we read about Jochebed, the mother of Moses.  She protected her son, even putting her own life in peril, and then entrusted him to the Lord.  Eunice, the mother of Timothy, instructed her son in the knowledge of the scriptures and he went on to have an incredible impact for the kingdom as part of Paul’s ministry. Read the books of Timothy and you will see Paul reference Timothy’s grandmother, Lois and his mother, too.  They must have been amazing women!

In the United States today, mothers are under enormous pressure to conform to the world’s view of children.  Radical Feminism has devalued motherhood in a quest for “greater meaning” and “true identity”. But God sees things much differently.

The world says: “Children are a burden.”
God says, “Children are a blessing.”

The world says, “Try not to have more than two or three children. ”
God says, “Blessed is the man who has many children!”

The world says, “Children get in the way.”
Jesus said, “Let the little children come to ME.”

The world has diminished the high-calling of motherhood to little more than a “stop-over” on the highway of life.

But God says that a wife of strong character is rare – she is worth far more than jewels!  (Prov. 31.10)

If you are a mother, you have an amazing opportunity every day to shape the future. As a homeschooling mom, you have even more time to influence the lives of your precious children.  Homeschooling provides endless opportunities to teach your children about God’s love for them!  Mom, your job is so important!  You have been given the privilege of weaving a fabric of family life using the truth of God’s word to impact the lives of your children…

Ultimately, this fabric will be a beautiful tapestry that will bear witness to the power and love of the Lord Jesus as your children walk with the One who created them in your womb.

I’m glad I was reminded of the fact that life is not a dress-rehearsal.  I’m thankful that my grandmother loved the fact that Jay and I chose to have a family that doesn’t fit the “worlds” mold very easily.  The time does pass quickly.   Let’s redeem the time God has given us to influence these precious children for the Glory of God.  It’s an investment that yields a harvest of joy that will continue into eternity.